Time will tell...

Tell many things, I suppose.. Looking back with hindsights.. This is one phrase I remembered from a recent conversation. How true that is.. and it was a phrase shared many months back.. To know whether the decision we made is of God, we would know after looking back with hindsights.. In the sense, it is similar to the phrase of time will tell...

So, what about now? how do we decide things that is of God? or whether is this God's will for me? How do we truly know? by walking closely with Him and reading His Word.. Am I doing that? sometimes, I wonder, am I doing that enough? What is enough? Does it matter? Shouldn't I walk closely with God out of love for Him and not out of other ulterior motives? why so many questions? fear of missing God's will in life? Fear of making mistakes in life? It does cripple me sometimes.. and I just have to shout out Jesus' Name and to overcome it with His Word.. with His Courage.. It is by His Grace that I am where I am this day.. I am who I am this day.. Mistakes will happen.. but I have God by my side. That is the difference. Because He is by my side, I am able to start anew again. I am able to stand tall.. with His Glow and His Joy.. with His Strength.. with His Peace.. yeahhh.. yippee...

well... here I go again....... trying something new... with His Peace.. and in His time, I will know.. truly know.. and again be awed by He who says "I am"... *wink*

who would have thought?

I wouldn't have thought of it as well but here I am, back in Malaysia at this hour, at this season.. where even myself couldn't believe that I decided to come back in the midst of things.. Yet, it seems to be really right to come back home at this time. Why so? Hmm.. Not sure as yet. Just know that it is right and that I am to obey the voice I heard few weeks ago. Go by faith? And it is not easy to go by faith, I have to admit.. It can be rather challenging and yet at the same time, it is fulfilling to be able to step out in faith and trust that the Lord God is guiding me, showing me stuff which I never see before in the past.

I know many are praying for me.. many are encouraging me.. many that are sent by God to be by my side.. to support and encourage.. God knows exactly what I need. He knows the very core of my heart.. He knows the very fears that I have even as I take that step of faith.. even as I choose to obey Him. What would the outcome be? I just know that it would be the best that He has for me and nothing less and highly even more that what I would expected. I have to stay focus and remain focus on the 'now'.. the 'present' and make the best out of it.. To love like I never love before.. to be real with my loved ones and friends.. to be who my dear Lord wants me to be.. *grin*

Adventure has begun years back.. and it has become more and more interesting and exciting these days.. so much uncertainties.. and it requires so much trust in Him.. sole Trust in Him and no one else! Admittedly, fears do loom over me sometimes but He is teaching me to know how to look at the fears and to deal with them.. to overcome them.. it takes time.. it takes practice.. it takes building of courage.. and that courage comes from Him, the Almighty God. *wink*

Making choices..

which is right? which is wrong? which is good? which is bad? How do we really know? hmm.. is this a trick question now? hmm.. I don't think it is.. but I think it would be something that will constantly pop up here and there.. even more so when it is to do with life changing choices..... challenging, isn't it? I think it is.. and sometimes, it can be pretty scary.. the "what if" comes into play.. hmm.. I wonder, .. I really do wonder.. do people think about these things as I do? or is it just me? a girl with many questions..

Yet, somehow, today.. I know something deep was happening.. something.. what was it? I couldn't get around it as yet.. still not able to have the word for it, to describe it.. but just know in the spirit.. able to discern and yet don't understand.. strange but it is true..

God in His own timing and providence would make it clear.. or the other way is that as I choose to walk closer to Him, I would hear clearer.. and would see what He wants me to see.. and do what He wants me to do.. Well, I made a choice today, one that I would never think I would have made and yet I did.. Recently, I have been surprising myself alot, actually.. with the choices I made.. Interesting, I would say.. *wink*

Accomplishment?

Yesterday marked the day I submitted my masters dissertation piece... so proud of it that I took some photos.. and put them on facebook!.. Never thought I would do a Masters, and yet here I am.. It actually does feel good when I went to collect it yesterday and carried it around in the university before submitting it... And now, at this wee hour (I went to bed like.. 930pm.. hehe..), as I scribble along and away.. a thought that comes to my mind is.. "so, what's next?" A question which family and friends have been asking me alot the past weeks and I think even more for the coming weeks.. A question which I am asking myself too... hmm..

I suppose the next sensible and logical thing to do would be to update my CV and start applying for jobs.. just start somewhere, I guess.. and then the path would become clearer.. Read a recent devotion from Nehemiah Notes that wrote about being in the motion.. meaning, to be active in doing something... and the writer wrote that "sometimes any action is better than none".. I really thought that this devotion reading came very timely for me at this juncture of my life.. God always has His ways of communicating.. *grin*

At the same time.. looking at the possibilities of getting my work published in a journal.. as suggested by my lecturer.. I do wonder.. would it be good enough to be published? This is a classic example where others have more confidence in my work than me.. oops.. Maybe God is teaching me something here, even as I reflect and look at my line of thoughts.. hmm.. well... still reflecting.... hehe..

You know what.. I think I will just do the obvious bits to my best and leave the rest to God because He is my provider.. and He knows what is best for me.. and where I am to go and what I am to do in the days to come.. *wink*..

Photos from Mid march to Mid April 2009..

yup..... here comes all the photos...... :D.. from the latest to the earliest... click on the blue phrases to go to the various albums.... :D

The House!..

Easter Day 13.04.09

First Easter Card and Gift :)
Easter Sunrise Service 12.04.09

SEEDs football-freebie dayout n dinner 21.03.09

Just couldn't believe it.... BUT..

I am done!.. I handed in my dissertation for binding yesterday.....

which means, no turning back..

and once I submit it next Monday, I am officially done with Uni work!..

wow!..... Praise God for it.. and so..

what is NEXT??

mmmm........ travel? work?....

appreciate your prayers as I figure it out.. *wink*

Apple of God's eyes...

who? it is me..... hehehe......

aim to be, hope to be, pray to be, thrill to be.......

with His help and guidance, His grace and mercy...

His touch and assurance.... *wink*

just a little more...

ever feel that? just a little more and it would be done... well, that's where I am at today.. and sometimes, it could be tiring and just feel like wanting a rest and not push too hard.. why so? why not just press on a bit more and hang on there a bit more and it will be over.. ??

yup!... now, I am motivating myself!.. via this scribbling..... and I need it.... everyone needs motivation and encouragement... if only we could be that one to encourage and to motivate the people around us.. Just to encourage one person a day.. and I believe it will have a tremendous domino effect in lives.. especially when situations out there aren't so rosy and bed of roses as it would seem to be....

ya... here I start again, today, to do the little bit more and finish up what I came to UK to do.. May the Good Lord always grant me wisdom, creativity to think, to analyse and to write..... *wink*

Do you have unhealed wounds?

I couldn't resist but to scribble a little today in midst of busyness and work.. coz just know deep in my heart that this is of the Lord....... and that the Good Lord is always doing great work.. and this is one of the many moments that I am able to catch it and scribble it down......

God in His wonderful way has confirmed in my heart today that I had done the right thing..... with the following devotion I just read from the Vine... to take time to deal with the wounds and get healed... to spend more deliberate time in Him, and having Him walking side by side as I was dealing with the wounds..... Which is what I did.. and I am so ever glad and thankful to Him.. *grin*..

*****

Deal With Your Unhealed Wounds!

Physician, heal yourself!

Luke 4:23 NKJV

Did you know that in the Old Testament a priest could not serve in God's house if he had a scab, which is an unhealed wound or a bleeding sore? (See Lev 21:20.) Why? Because when you have a scab you're not up to par. You can't get close to others in case they bump into you and knock the protective cover off it. You're not at your best because the pain-drain is sapping your strength. You're afraid to talk about your scab in case people reject you, so you wear a mask, live on two levels and become insecure and controlling. Worst of all, you're so busy working for God and taking care of others that you don't think you have time to stop and take care of yourself. The Bible says: "Physician, heal yourself!" (Luke 4:23 NKJV).

Does this mean people with 'issues' can't work for God? No, quite the opposite. It's the broken who become masters at mending. But first you must take time to be healed. Jesus said that when the blind lead the blind they both fall into a ditch (Matthew 15:14). It's hard to talk about victory to others when you yourself are living in defeat. It's hard to bring emotional healing to others when you're still battling the unresolved issues of your past. When you are still bleeding, you can't treat people's problems with the same kind of aggressive faith you'd have if you'd already worked through the problem.

Is it wrong to have a wounded heart? No, but it's wrong not to deal with it. So, spend time with God and let Him make you whole so that He can use you to minister more effectively to others.

*****

This devotion just spoke so clearly of what needs to take place if anyone has unhealed wounds...... and it just amazing to see how it spoke of what needs to take place.... My favorite phrases are the ones highlighted in purple...... When I have worked through the problem, then I'd have the aggressive faith to help others....... and God has make me WHOLE so that He can use me to minister more effectively to others..... WOW!.. I love that.. I am smiling when I am scribbling this.... hehe..

and also, deep down, I could sense that God is telling me something else and one of them is that time has come for Him to use me in a higher capacity to minister to others...... well, I have been ministering the past one year plus, the past months but not in the capacity that I was used to.. I am grateful for His gentleness and His Love...... for His touch..

I am waiting on the Lord and waiting to see what He would want me to do.. I know in His time, I would know exactly what to do and where to go...... in the meantime, I just be faithful in what I can do, no matter how small or big it is...... pleasing Him is about putting down my own desires and just be free to please Him.. and God being who He is, He has taken into His interest to look into those personal desires of mine without me realising them........ *wink*

a dash.......

why a dash? hehe..... just trying to get my dissertation done up to the best I could a week before the dateline and therefore, this scribbling is a dash!.. hehehe....... I do kind like the adrenaline rush though..... so odd.... yohoo...... it gives that kind of kick!..

well... I am currently in the university on a sunday...... but kinda like it here on a sunday where there is peace and quiet.... and I am beginning to be much more aware of the things that makes me tick, so to speak..... it may well be God's gifts for me... the stuff I enjoy doing.. the stuff that comes so natural for me...... it is exciting!.. and I do look forward to see where all these would bring me as I seek His face....... as I sit at His feet.... as I wait upon Him......

well..... this is a short break and it is time for me to continue on with my work and get all the analysis of data done before 4pm today!..... and then off to the next final bit....... to write them down......... pray pray for me, ya........ muach! *wink*

a "privilege instrument" of God...

This phrase stayed in my head since I wrote that email recently, requesting for prayers from friends... and I thought I just want to scribble here about it..... In my recent email, I wrote to request for a prayer from friends whom I know are remembering me in prayers.. and I just felt right to cut and paste the bits that I have written in the email here...

"I believe in working in team and that every preparation when seasoned in prayers unto the Lord is powerful because God is at work.. It is His ministry and it is He who does the touching and impacting.. I am just a "privilege instrument" that He chooses to use.. *wink*.... thanks guys for the partnership in prayers.. :D Frankly, I am excited to see what God is doing and will do!... "

It is such a blessing to be able to be used by God in whatever and every capacity.. I recognise it so much at this hour.. and I just want to fully receive this truth in my heart.. coz I also recognise that I am a forgetful person.. believe it or not, but humans tend to be very forgetful and tend to get carried away with own things and forgotten about God.. What a danger, isn't it? I think it is.....

I am praying.... about many things...... about many people.... for many people..... O Lord.. only He knows the deepest needs of people.. the deepest core and desires.. and every prayer that goes out, they are important.. it could just be "it" that turns someone's life towards God in a wonderful close way.. We never know how God works in lives.. yet, we have the choice to be intentional... and this day, I pray that all my friends, my loved ones would be intentional in their lives.. intentional to speak encouragement, to show love and everything that is needful for someone as the Lord leads... *wink*

Final Lap.......

so.. got to work much harder....... that is my aim for the coming weeks till 20 April 2009...... the day when the dissertation work is submitted and mark the closing of Uni work..... and mark the journey of "what next?".......

Do remember me in prayers when you read this scribbling... I would try to scribble during time out, getting a breather...... and scribbling here is my way of taking a breather...... *wink*.........

First morning in new place..

yup.. my first morning in my new room.. new view... Loving it.... and sunshine with cool air...... what more could I ask for? heheheh..

I have also taken some photos of the move too....... So exciting.. and a wonderful meal I had last night.. a birthday-do for one of my housemates... I have three housemates (Betty & Alex and Mark)..... wonderful people.... :D

• Moving to Harborne.. yippee.. 14.03.09
• Bday do for Alex 14.03.09
• My 1st morning in Harborne.. 15.03.09

Enjoy as I enjoy my new place... new environment.. *wink*......

Me! Me!....

a portrait of me.. *wink*.......

Not that I have lots of time and yet I just need an avenue to go "crazy"..

and bloggie is my form of release...... woo-hoo....

the move.....

yup.. tomorrow, it is another move for me.. moving from uni accommodation to a house in Harborne.. Couldn't believe my eyes that it is here and I am moving.. Didn't feel that I am ready to move yet, actually.. hmm.. yet, it is time.. and the timeliness of things just amazes me.. well, that's for me to understand deep down.. the timeliness of God... *wink*..

How do I share these thoughts here? thoughts that are deep inter-twined in my little brain... thoughts that have long links, all connected.. think my story would be a long one.. one with many faces.. one with many insights.. How? How to share about these? How would I express these to encourage others.. to leave a marker for others to learn.. Only the Good Lord is able to give me such wisdom and insights to know how in the days to come.. I know He would guide me.. and in His timing, I would know exactly what to do..

Sometimes or rather lots of times, I would wonder why people do what they do.. I still have that question.. and in the past, I thought I was too afraid to try new things but yet, actually I did try new things.. I did do stuff that others would not do.. Somehow it is just so in-built in me that I didn't recognise it.. maybe it is too natural that I didn't realise it? or maybe I was looking at others too much for comparison that I forgot to appreciate the very things God has blessed me with? Ya.. I think that would be it.. and I am glad, real glad that I discover that truth the past one year.. So glad that God has revealed that to me.. so thankful..

well, coming back to the move.. all my belongings.. and I still haven't finished writing for my dissertation.. hmm.. oh dear.. nevertheless, I try my very best.. and trust that it would be done in God's timing as I learn different lessons while trying to write this dissertation.. Do remember me in prayer.. Need that lots.. :D

Looking forward to the move.. looking forward to have new housemates.. to learn from one another.. and to have a different angle of life in UK.. yup.. it would be different.. I could feel it.. or is it just plain simple to catch it?

I am excited and yet wonder... looking forward and yet curious... thankful for the timeliness and yet ask the question "why so soon?"... Am I contradicting myself? Am I making myself more confused? Well.. I am just plainly pouring out my feelings.. coz these are my feelings.. these are thoughts and questions that run through my mind.. welll......... this is Vivien Keu for you..... *wink*

Thank You O Lord...

Just want to scribble this......

Thank You... O LORD........... for the Cross and the Resurrection..

Thank You O Lord for Your LOVE..

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us,...." Ephesians 3:20

I know You will, O Lord... *smile*

Thank You...

Worth waiting for...

What is? What am I trying to scribble here? well.. that is the title of the recent conference that I attended.. and it was a really interesting conference (photos here) and great time to be able to hear many testimonies of God's goodness and God at work in different parts of the world.. so encouraging and so uplifting.. I was truly blessed! :)

And one of the main speakers spoke on the whole of Habakkuk.. He expounded it with such great insights that truly spoke a great deal to me... How could I scribble it here? How could I share what spoke to me? hmm.. perhaps the summary... as to how Habakkuk turned from being a complainer to a joy expressor regardless of the change of circumstances.. by recalling what God has done... and knowing that He would do them again!.. and for us, by recalling what was done at the cross and know that we could trust Him.. Because of the cross and the resurrection, we could be going through tough stuff in life and yet be joyful in Him.. sorrowful yet rejoicing simultaneously.. amazing isn't it? It is possible because of the cross and resurrection!.. Victory is real and it is done. :)

And one important lesson to learn from Habakkuk is that he was being very honest and truthful with God about the current situation and his own feelings. He didn't hide them from God.. He didn't pretend that all is well... He was just being real with God.. and this is how we should response too.. to be with real with God about our situations.. and trust God.. let God takes us on the journey from "fear" to "faith".......

Amazing truth, isn't it? Well.. to me, it is..... hehe.. and because of this truth deeply planted in my heart as I reflected upon it, God has moved in my heart to do something brave.. something which I know I would not do on my own accord.. unless it is inspired by God.. As I truly start to look beyond my own experiences with God (the small piece of the canvas) and towards the Cross and Resurrection (the big canvas), something stirred deep in my heart... that is the crucial point.. I personally believed .. and know what is the key? it is about living by Faith in God all the way......... and able to withstand whatever that is ahead of us..... *wink*

Free-will?

This word came up last night at a bible study... and it stayed with me.. and the questions that I have are these.. "Do we really want free-will?"; "Do we know how to handle it?"... ; "Do we truly know what are good for us and what are not?"..

I guess, as human beings, we longed to be free.. longed to do many things.... longed and longed.. desires after desires... that is how God wires us to be.. We are created in His own Image.. (Gen 1:27) Hmm.. I am not sure where this scribbling would lead me but somehow.. in my own tiny experiences of life, I have sort of concluded that it is best to be in the will of God than to handle life on my own.. I would rather have God handling my life than I.. because I do not know what the future holds for me.. God knows.. and He would be the best person to know what is best for me.. I have tried numerous times to handle life on my own, relying on my own strength and it ended up in a mess.. a mess that only God could clean up and restore.. and exactly that was what He did.

Frankly, my opinion is that a lot of times, we do not know what we are asking.. and what we really want in life.. or what is good for us.. that is how crazy it can be.. as the cliche goes, "Been there, done all those tryings and gotten bruises and cuts all over"..... and conclusion is still, to trust God and stay real close to Him.. Well, that is for me.. not speaking for others.. that is my choice of life; to try my very best to trust God and to look at areas of distrust and know that God is teaching me how to unravel them and turn them to trust... deeper trust in Him.. I still can be free and being free in God is such a sweet sweet freedom... knowing that He is watching over me..

God in His gentle ways would never shovel down our throats the things we are uncomfortable with.. He has His ways of bringing us to that point where we would be comfortable about them and being more assured in Him.. At the end of it all, the final destination is not the crucial crunch.. but the journey towards it, is... the process we go through to arrive to a point of life..

And I just want to end by sharing Psalm 119:105 that says..

"The Lord's Word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.." Going back to His Word.. going back to spending time with the Lord.. that is the key to freedom.... *wink*

Sweetly Loved!..

Ya.. was immensely loved yesterday evening..... to hear others are sharing the pain I am going through.. that makes the pain light.. :) and the sweet card with the messages and chocolates they gave me.... it just added the warmth to my heart...... God is amazing, to shower His Love through people.. and even as I ponder about it, I remembered clearly there was a time where people were sharing my tough pain in prayers, in tears and in persons.... This is the body of Christ where we are there for one another, loving and encouraging one another, to press on.. to journey together on this path of life...... sharing the joy and the pain.. It comes in the package.... *wink*

I was blessedly and sweetly surprised......

1st fall in UK... oops..

Clumsy me, I fell flat last night literally on the street... sigh.. bruises and swelling on both knee caps.. and a little on the palm of hands.. and aching all over today.. with my little brain shaken due to the fall... still feeling a little wobbly...... limping a little due to the pain on the knees... but thank God no open wounds or twisted knee or whatever.. so don't worry when you read this...

My little fall could lead to so many things as mentioned above.. what happen if a person who fell from high places.. ? that stirs up a thought within me.. wow.. with this little fall, I am already feeling wobbly... just imagine those with head concussion? hmm.. interesting to reflect on this..

When I fell last night, I was like.. "oopss.... oh no..." I realized that my physical body suffering from the shock of the fall and yet I was still on my way to my destinations, doing the stuff I needed to do.. After completing all of them and as I was on the bus home, only then I could feel the shock.. it was like both of my legs were wobbly.. brain floaty.. and of course, my normal self would be to yearn for attention... hehehe..... tat's just me.. a pampered girl especially when I am sick or unwell.... or after incidents like this....

Well.. hope the swelling and pain would go away quickly.. That's my prayer..... :)

Again, how?

This question has been looming in my mind.. There are much that I want to act or say especially when I see something in people's lives and yet, I do not know "how".. What is God's way in this? Why the knowledge when I could not do anything about? Hmm.. The only thing I could do is to pray.. Is that all that I am to do? I wonder? Maybe.. and if God wants me to do more than that, He would provide the way.. He would provide the opportunity..

*lightbulb on!*.. Yup.. that is it!.. So delightful to be able to draw to this conclusion.. and scribbling helps me.. because, I believe that as people read my scribblings, they are remembering me in prayers too.. Prayer is a powerful tool that God has given us.. And I really have nothing to hide and aiming to lead a transparent life.. one that is pleasing to Him..

Of course, there are comments of privacy and people may misuse the information.. Hmm.. this blog is birthed from pain that turned to joy... And, I know God has an eye on me and as Psalm 17: 8 -9 say.. "God is keeping me as apple of His eye, He is hiding me under the shadow of His wings, from the wicked who oppressed me, from my deadly enemies who surround me." When God is with and for me, who can be against me? Whoever is against me, they have to answer to God... *scribbler rests assured in her Almighty God who loves her so much*

Secrets...

The intricacy of human hearts and minds just amazed me. Have been observing my own self as well as the people around me.. I am just mystified by the observations and asking the Lord what does all these mean? Of course, it is no secret to say that everyone has secrets.. whether big or small; important or non-important, it is of different issue.

However, I believe that God in His special ways reveal some of them when it is needed to be known.. I find that true as I have experienced them before. Just that sometimes, I am not that discernful enough to catch them sometimes due to own pre-occupation, unfortunately. Yet, I am learning and I could only say that it is by the Grace of God. Thank God that He is not one who punishes for mistakes but He is one who still loves me and encourages me to try again. These mistakes are within His calculations, so to speak. He knows that I would make them again and again until one day it is settled.

I thought I caught something last night at this party.. I am still bewildered by it.. and still not able to put a finger on the actual point.. it is somewhere around that part.. Hmm.. The Lord in His time will make it clear, I truly believe.. *grin*.. and whatever it may be, I desire thoughts that God is Love and because of His Love, He is keeping close eye on me.. and I have nothing to fear and be intimidated of.. *wink*

My name..

hehehe........ thought this is a nice shot.. with nice handwriting..

My name called in short and by friends.... *grin*

You guys are the Best!..

SEEDlings!... *wink*

Night Vision........

Three days in a row, I received the devotion from the Vine about night vision and they spoke to me deep within me.. something real strong and in depth.. and I am thankful to receive them.. thankful to Almighty God for these revelations and confirmations.. I have cut and paste all the three devotions in the following.. the sentences that I have highlighted in REd and BoLd would be the very ones that spoke to me so strongly and deeply.. the ones that I identify with it so dearly.. and I know it is because of God.. *wink*..

****

Who is among you who... hears the Lord... yet... walks in darkness? Isaiah 50:10 AMP

God promises us peace, but not smooth sailing or immunity from life's problems. The Bible says you can "fear the Lord… yet… walk in darkness and… trouble" (Isaiah 50:10 AMP).

Check your Bible:

(a) Job lived an exemplary life yet he lost everything. Troubled and perplexed, he cried, "God has blocked my way [and]… plunged my path into darkness" (Job 19:8 NLT).

(b) Jeremiah, after preaching to a rebellious people who beat and imprisoned him, said, "Oh, that… my eyes [were] a fountain… I would weep day and night for… my people" (Jeremiah 9:1 NIV).

(c) John the Baptist was puzzled about why his cousin Jesus, who could raise the dead, had left him to languish in prison. So he sent him a message asking, "Are You the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?" (Luke 7:19 NIV).

(d) Paul suffered so much he "despaired even of life" (2 Corinthians 1:8 NKJV).

Faith is like film; it's developed in the dark. Dark days make us lean on God in ways we normally wouldn't. The truth is, if our faith was never tested we wouldn't be motivated to pursue God and draw closer to Him. The hymn writer wrote: "When darkness seems to hide His face, I rest on His unchanging grace. When all around my soul gives way, He then is all my hope and stay. On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand." It's easy to praise God when your health is good and your bills are paid. It's when light suddenly turns to darkness that we discover what our faith is made of and where our trust truly lies. It's in those seasons that we develop night vision!

****

I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness. Isaiah 45:3 NLT

Sometimes God doesn't tell us why because He wants us to know Who. In Psalm 23, David goes from talking about God, "The Lord is my Shepherd," to talking with Him, "Thou art with me." What happened in between? David learned that no matter how dark the way is, the Lord is there to guide us. He discovered that it's better to walk through the valley with God than stand on the mountaintop alone. God doesn't always light the path in advance, but He promises, "When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown" (Isaiah 43:2 NLT).

When you feel like you're out of your depth or in over your head, claim the promise! Job had many unanswered questions, but when he began to understand the difference between reason and relationship, he told God, "I… heard about You before, but now I have seen You" (Job 42:5 TLB). When you can't find the reason, trust the relationship. God won't fail you.

Contrary to what you may think, darkness isn't always the work of the enemy. Sometimes it's one of God's best teaching tools. " About the fourth watch of the night He came to them, walking on the sea… And when they saw Him… they were greatly amazed… beyond measure, and marvelled" (Mark 6:48-51 NKJV). You get to know the Lord by going through storms with Him. The Psalmist said, "To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to You" (Psalm 139:12 NLT). So instead of running from your problems, ask God to develop your night vision, to show you "the treasures of darkness… hidden in secret places" (Isaiah 45:3 NRS).

****

You who live in your own light... will soon fall down in great torment. Isaiah 50:11 NLT

When the darkness you're experiencing is God-ordained, don't try to create your own light: "You who live in your own light… will soon fall down in great torment" (Isaiah 50:11 NLT). Abraham decided to kindle his own fire when God's promise of an heir didn't materialise quickly enough. Tired of waiting, he decided to go it alone by fathering Ishmael, and ended up creating problems that would last for generations. God had already promised to liberate Israel, but Moses took it upon himself to do things his way. As a result he killed an Egyptian slave master and spent the next 40 years in the wilderness (Exodus 2:11-15). Peter promised to follow Jesus to prison and to death (Luke 22:33), but because he didn't wait for instructions he ended up lopping off an innocent man's ear.

When you're in darkness by divine design you don't have to be afraid, God will bring you through. Why are we so sure? Because the Bible gives us great promises like: "Light arises in… darkness for the upright" (Psalm 112:4 AMP), and "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5 AMP). The 40 days Moses spent alone on the mountain, Elijah's stay on Mount Horeb, and Paul's years in the Arabian Desert weren't wasted experiences; they were part of God's plan.

Jesus said, "What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight" (Matthew 10:27 NIV). Notice two things in this Scripture:

(1) It's in your worst moments that God gives you some of your best insights.

(2) People will listen to you because you've 'earned the right to speak'. So sit tight and let God teach you things which can only be learned in the dark.

****

And know what? That was what I did the past one year plus... to sit tight and let God teach me things which could only be learnt in the dark..... Amazing lessons of life!.. and to develop the night vision... and truly He has showed me treasures of darkness.. hidden in the secret places... *wink*... I know all of them would be used for the extension of His Kingdom; for touching lives; for changing lives.. and that is my heart desire.. to see His Name Glorified.. It is all about Him at the end of it all......

a cup of hot Choc?

It was this weekend that marks a significant point.. I never thought of it at all until the moment God revealed to me as I was soaking in His Presence during Encounter Weekend (20-22 Feb 2009) recently.. Funny but in His quietness, God whispered to me, "Child, do you realise that it has been over a year now?" It just dawned on me that it has!.. wow..

Just amazing to see how the Lord works in this life of mine, given by Him.. and it was interesting to realise even now that the crying has stopped.. whether tears of joy or pain over the setback a year back... All of them has stopped at that point when God said it would. I am so not used to its absence but yet it is exciting to look forward to what is ahead in God.

Now, thinking back, I recognise that there were two types of tears.. tears of pain initially, where I just cried and cried out of pain that is beyond words... and then not long after that, it was turned to tears of joy which is beyond words too because of God's touch and healing... tears of joy comes frequently the past months, especially thinking of the love God, the love of my parents, my god-parents, my pastors, close friends and friends and their support during tough times..

That night when the speaker talked about surrendering and the act of surrendering at the cross, as I was kneeling and soaking in His presence, there was no tears.. as God said there won't be.. it marked the end of it. Wow.. amazing!.. and God gave me Psalm 61:1-4 as well that says..

"The Lord heard my cry. He attended to my prayer. From the end of the earth I cried to Him. When my heart is overwhelmed, He led me to the rock that is higher than I. For He has been a shelter for me, a strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in His tabernacle forever, I will trust in the shelter of His Wings."

I am swept again and overwhelmed by His Awesome Love!... *grinning from the farthest end to another end*........ Amazing!.. thankfulness of His Faithfulness and Love.. He just knows the very act that would touch my heart so deeply.. *wink*

Last day of February 2009...

I always seem to be so temperamental about final day of the month and stuff.. wonder why? hmm.. not sure though.. perhaps, it helps me to get started on my scribblings... an inspiration point? maybe.. *wink*

But honestly, time just flies by ever so quickly that I just couldn't believe it!.. before long, I would be looking at job applications and stuff.. Frankly, not sure what I would be doing.. There are many aspects to consider. Uncertainties about the visa and all.. but I just received news that I am eligible to apply for the "Post-Study-Work" Visa. PSW as they called it in short. That is the first step of clearance and I am still praying and seeking the Good Lord..

Looking back from this juncture of life, I am glad that I am here.. glad that I have took on the studies.. Actually, the studies, the results is not the important thing but the lessons I am learning while doing them, they are precious and valuable.. Handling procrastination behaviour.. somehow not really there yet but the awareness of it is important to prayerfully tackle it and to overcome this weakness. It takes time.. Sometimes, I win and sometimes, I lose..

Admittedly, there are still fears popping about what to do next, where to go next.. Yet, there is this undercurrent peace of God within me, assuring me of His provision and goodness.. See the difference of train of thoughts? hehe.. I saw it after I wrote it!.. *grin*.. Anyway, I very much realised that "fear" will come some days but it is alright.. because I am assured in His peace and assurance. It is just like temptations will come but because I know who I am in God, I could face them and they would not have a hold on me.. So, as I scribble today, I could sense that fears do not have a hold on my thoughts.. Somehow, because this life was literally saved by God in 2008, it is not mine anymore and because that truth sank so deep within me, it freed me from holding life so tightly like before..... But, for me, I have to go through that process.. It would probably be different for different ones.. God has His ways... because He knows us! *wink*.. However, the alertness of the mind is important too.. What do I truly believe? Who do I truly believe? Just love it as God reveals truths like these.. He is so Awesome!..

*chuckle*.. A thought came was.. it is irony.. life is... and it can be rather crazy too!.. but you know what? I don't mind them so as long as I am walking closely with God, being loved by Him and loving Him and His people.. the undercurrent peace of God is what I enjoy, regardless of the circumstances and situations around me.. yipppee..... thank You o God.. *smile sweetly upward*......

Photos in the month of February 2009

hehe.. didn't realise that I didn't put up my photo albums link here for the whole month.... well, enjoy the photos..... :D As usual, click on the blue links...... *wink* I shall start with the most recent downwards..... easier for me.. hehehe.......

SEEDlings Gathering 26.02.09

Farewell Do for Ros.. 24.02.09 (Ros and Bok are my future landlord.. lovely couple..)

Encounter Weekend 20 - 22 Feb 2009 Album 1 of 3

Encounter Weekend 20 - 22 Feb 2009 Album 2 of 3

Encounter Weekend 20 - 22 Feb 2009 Album 3 of 3

Sushi Party 14.02.09

SEeDs GatHeRing 12.02.09

Lunch at Msian Delight with SEEDs and others 08.02.09

Random Hotpot with the girls.. 07.02.09 noon

Encounter Weekend..

It is special and interesting.. Why? coz met with God again!.. Such awesome time to be in His presence and in His Love.. and in the fellowship of brothers and sisters of Christ.. And you know what? I am not complaining if I get to meet God everyday.. He is just amazing.

Photos coming up soon... Got to do work now, last minute addition work and wrapping up of Dissertation Proposal for tomorrow's submission.. Pray for me ya.. *wink*

to be or not to be......

Just got back from the Student Service at Uni... Met the International Student Advisor on visa stuffy.. due to my case being unique.. (ha, as usual.. always end up being unique somehow.. hmm.. I do wonder why.. is it in-born? hehe.. ), it is a BIG QUESTION MARK whether I could apply for this visa called the post study working visa... So, the advisor gonna check it for me and let me know the soonest she could which is tomorrow.. Well.. as the title said, to be or not to be.. hmm.. lets see where God is leading me about this... and I know He would allow me to see with clarity and precision.....

Whatever it may be, I will be where He wants me to be... whether to go back to Malaysia or to stay on here or even to go else where..... it really doesn't matter because nothing is holding me back.. God is with me and that is the most important thing!.. *wink* Goin back has its plus points mean I would be with my family, I would be with my friends... Staying on has its plus points too, meaning I could experience working life here, I have my friends and the church.. I could travel!.. Going else where, of course has its plus points which leads to me having more challenges, uprooting myself again and getting use to the new place, making new friends.. Hmm.. all have its plus points!.. ooh.. I love this!..

kay... time to continue with my work.... hehehe.. chapter two to finish.. still at number two, unfortunately.. hehee..

The "Water Test"...

I love today's devotion from the Vine.. It goes well with my soul.. hehehe....... I wanna post it here... and it is just so true about the "letting go" part and also the "hard" part for a nurturer by nature (that is so me!)... hey! is God talking to me? oooh.. cool..... :D And I particularly like this phrase, "You can't convert the fearful into the faithful".. I have heard a similar phrase like that last year at the crunch of time....... Interestingly, it is being mentioned today here at this hour, not earlier and not later... hmm.. Scribbler is reflecting in the Lord once again........ aww.. so blessed to be able to do that all the time...... *grin*.....

******

The 'Water Test'

Bring them down to the water, and I will test them. Judges 7:4 NKJV

If somebody keeps refusing to support you, let them go - or you'll wish you had. This is especially hard to accept if you're a nurturer by nature, somebody who's invested in making relationships work, come what may. You can't convert the fearful into the faithful. That's God's job, and His 'water test' showed Gideon who he could count on and who he couldn't. God told Gideon: "You have too large an army… they'll take… credit… Make [an]… announcement: 'Anyone… who has any qualms… may leave'… Twenty-two companies headed… home. Ten… were left. God said… 'There are still too many. Take them down to the stream and I'll make a final cut'" (Judges 7:2-4 TM).

When the opposition is arrayed against you like "sand on the seashore" (Judges 7:12 TM) it's often the time when you lose the most support. Don't worry, God is at work. During the first cut, when Joshua lost 22,000 men, what looked like a setback was actually a set-up from God to determine who was dependable. "Gideon took the troops down to the stream… Three hundred lapped… from their cupped hands… the rest knelt to drink. God said… 'I'll use the three hundred… to… give Midian into your hands'" (Judges 7:5-7 TM).

We learn two lessons from this story: (1) You need to be able to see your enemy approaching. Those who knelt to drink sacrificed their vision to satisfy their immediate need. (2) When God reduces your support, it's to give you a miraculous victory. It's to show how somebody without formal credentials can run a company, or somebody who's lost everything can make a comeback. So when the people around you can't pass God's 'water test', let them go and trust God. He has something better in mind.

******

Genesis 3:16c...

"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception;

in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children;

and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

This was one of those random verses that came to mind in the midst of days... Anyway.... the followings are my thoughts of the last bit of the verse "thy desire shall be to thy husband,"..... as I reflected and reflect.... hehe...... which I shared with a friend.....there are much to learn even in just a short part of the verse.. that shows how rich God's Word is... His Living Word.

Hmm.. my reflection of Genesis 3:16 is that this was said right after the fall of man.... the woman's desire for husband/man was intensified.. it is a curse.. This is not original plan of God for woman..... The orginal plan for woman was for her to be a help meet for the man..... However, because of the fall, sin came in.. and the desire for husband/man becomes the only occupation of woman. Having said all that, Jesus came and died for us and rose again..... the sins and the curses have been broken by the blood of Jesus.. The victory has already been won and we are to die to our fleshly desires which in this case, die to this desire of being so occupied about man.. and live to be after God and be a help meet for man!.. it is a very thin line thingy and yet there is the huge difference!..

So, my take is this.. this is an universal problem!...... this will always be a problem and issue for girls/women.... it is like the sinful nature, it is in-built because of the first fall of man. However, we already have the victory because we have Jesus!.... so, we just got to walk it victoriously!....... believing and claiming it!.. Often times, this point was missed; which is exactly what the evil ones want us to miss!.. We thought we still have to fight it and stuff.. but actually, it has already been won at the cross!.. we just got to believe in Jesus and walk with Him in victory!.. yippeee........ *wink*

That is about woman...... what about man? Man has his share too!.. which is in Genesis 3:17-19... three verses.. tripple of the one verse for woman.... That is something to reflect about, now, don't you think so? *pondering in the Lord*...

Loving peOpLe..

This phrase pops up in my mind today.. loving people.. especially when loving means, going the extra mile, causing inconvenience to self, etc.. and loving them for who they are, where they are at..

Sounds easy or looks easy but actually fact, it is not so when you get involved in lives.. when you get your hands dirty as it were.. Just purely for one good reason which is we are all made to be different, with different upbringings, different backgrounds, different experiences of life.. And because of that, we see things differently. The very thing I may find so easy to handle may be a very hard thing for another person.. and it just goes round and round.. and also because of this, lots of misunderstandings could take place, unknowingly sometimes, unfortunately.

Now then, with all this, how do we love? We could because of God's love and because of who He is.. and purely because He first love us that we could love Him back and we could love others.. Yet, there are choices because He loves us so much that He gives us choices.. Choices to love and not to love. The amazing thing is that everyone of us, deep down in our hearts just long to be loved. Whether we admit it or not, that is a different issue. We can't run away from the fact that we are made to be loved and to love. And every single person is entitled to be loved, no matter what situations and circumstances we are in..

However, in reality sense, alot of times, this is hard to comprehend especially with so much things going on in the world.. Where do we start? Dare we start? Dare we extend such love? Coz loving people also means risking ourselves to vulnerability.. means that the love may and could be rejected due to fear and many other reasons..

For me.. the key is looking to God.. be filled and overfilled with His Love and be bold to love others, not worry about the returns and trusting that God will take care of the returns.. God Himself will take care of the details.. I am praying that I would have His boldness and joy to love.. whoever He called me to love.... Is it that simple? Hmm.. I think so because having Him to walk with in life, makes things simple.. I have to admit that most times, things are made complicated with my own worries, doubts, sins... The amazing thing about God is that He still loves me, us.. no matter what.. and His Love is unconditional......

As John 3:16 - 17 says.. "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through Him might be saved." May this truth sinks deep in our hearts everytime we read or hear it because God's Word is alive!.. *wink*

Having scribbled all the above doesn't mean that I am there.. I am no where near, mind you.. this is a lifelong journey of learning for me..... and it is just amazing to learn from the Lord.. if only I am willing.. and frankly, sometimes, I have been naughtily not willing for whatever reasons.. and yet, without fail, God would remind me again and again.. I wonder will He ever get tired of me? and so far, He still persists on.. for which I am forever thankful and grateful for. *grin*

Proverbs 15:13 says..

A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance...

*wink*

Met with God..

I just wanna share this here today.. eventhough I couldn't share the full details here.. but God gave me a miracle last night.. it was so real and so amazing that I have no words to express it other than to praise God for His miracle.

I had two choices yesterday evening.. and I was contemplating..

• First, to go to St John despite of the heavy downpour of snow and no transport home after church..
• Second, to stay in the room because of the snow and no transport home after church..

And guess what I chose? the first.. I felt that I just had to be at St John last night despite of the weather.. and it was truly wonderful to be able to walk in the snow at night... with the snow once again falling on my face, hair, everywhere.. I love it.. strange but true..

Reaching the church, I was greeted with warmth and smiles.. it was just another service on a Sunday.. so I thought.. the worship was excellent.. the sharing and testimonies were thought-reminding.. and some were thought-provoking.. enjoyed kneeling down and having felt something worked in my little heart by God at that moment of kneeling down...

Then there was the altar call.. to come forward to receive freshness of God.. I thought to myself, "should I?".. I have been going forward many times and it has been wonderful and good and normal.. Was I being skeptical at that spur moment? hmm.. well, the next thought that came was "why not? what have I got to lose?".. and I did.. and there I stood in the front, being in the presence of God.. drinking in.. it was wonderful and good.. Then, for a moment, a little oddness or uncomfort trickled in but it was blown away by the wind.. Just felt that I needed to be there in the front.. I stood there for relatively a long time.. no one came to pray with me but that doesn't matter coz I could feel God's touch.. and since it was the end of the service and I had to go home via buses which is a long way, I went back to my seat.. I decided to linger around for a while, enjoying the music being played.. just soaking in..

While I was peacefully doing that, someone from the congregation came to me, spoke to me and said, "I felt you should not leave this place without being prayed for.." and invited me to the front again.. I was actually very moved by then.. and pleasantly surprised.. I know this is none other but God.. I went.. I waited for a while to be prayed for..

And, I was being prayed for by the vicar's wife who knows nothing about me at all.. and yet her prayer and her release of words was so so precise that I know this is definitely of God.. I cried.. I teared a little when I was on the buses home... and I am still crying even as I scribble here.. because God met me there last night and the feeling is beyond words described..

This awesome experience truly testifies God knows the deepest desires of my heart, our hearts.. It is in the midst of the ordinary that God chooses to appear and meet me, us.. because He loves us!.. and I just want to scribble that for me, I had my doubts and I (the mind) actually didn't really expect much from the service last night and thought it would be just another service but I believe my heart expected more.. and it was just amazing!.. I felt so light and uplifting as I left church last night.. it was a feeling like a little girl dancing in the snow in the night........ *wink*..

(Scribbler wanna believe God would use this scribbling to move and touch the very lives that He wants to touch; just as how she is being moved, zapped, touched out of her boots!)

words can mean alot to some and mean little to some

but I believe it is the Spirit of Living God undergirding the writing that touches lives..

"I Pray" (in mandarin)

I find this song truly touching.. it touched my heart this morning as I listened and was moved to tears a little...... it is just wonderful to be able to pray and know that our dear Lord is listening..

and He knows the depth of our hearts' cry.. *hugs*

Please continue to pray..

this drawing was done when I was cracking my head about writing!.. 6 numbers in 6 clouds signify 6 chapters..... hahahaha.. crazy but it is an interesting way of getting inspiration!.. :D

as I am nearing to the end of my dissertation which is due in mid-March 2009.. Got to write 6 chapters and I have done 25% writing so far. But the great news is that the data I need for this dissertation has been located and compiled (that is the hardest bit of work)... Praise God for it!.. *wink*

Do covet your prayers as I continue writing.... will start on the analysis of the data bit and more writing... oh yes.. my presentation of the dissertation research proposal is on 16th February with the dissertation research proposal submission on 20th February 2009...... I am almost half way through with the powerpoint slides..... Thank you guys.. love ya......... *wink*

Footprint.. a song in Cantonese..

I could only share the URL as the owner didn't share the other version in YouTube..

Click here

and it will bring you to the link.. :D

Do have a listen to it as it is really nice..... :D

Enjoy!...

Handprints!.. hehehe..

my handprint.. :D

both of my hands..... :D

Going abit over the top the past two days........ just a form to relax and to regain inspiration for my writing.. not here but academically.. I am discovering more and more of myself... and it is just amazing what could be found.. *wink*

Life is...

a

BIG PLAYGROUND...

where I play,

laugh,

dream,

jump,

skid,

love,

fall,

cry,

sit,

sleep,

sing,

dance,

crawl, .....

and the list goes on and on..

the author is the Big Guy above who loves me so so so much.. that words just couldn't express it.. you just got to experience His Love for yourself to know it deep in your heart.. *wink*

More photos.. :D

oops.. forgotten to put up the photos here.. hehehe.. here you are.. :D click on the blue links to my facebook albums... :D think there are five albums altogether...... :D

SEEDs CNY Dinner and Movie 29.01.09

Chocolate Craving Fulfilled on a Snowy Day.. 02.02.09

7th Bday Prezzie... 2009 on a month after my bday.. so delighted!

Cooking, Eating & Movie Session at ST John's CG.. 04.02.02 Part 1

Cooking, Eating & Movie Session at ST John's CG.. 04.02.02 Part 2

Why now?

The question that I have in my little brain is this.. why now? Why is it snowing now? as the many comments were it hasn't been snowing for ages and years.. and even if it did, it was not very heavy.. So, why now? why this moment? Hmm... ever thought of that? ever question it? I do!.. I did!..

Being a dreamer.. being a lover of fairytale... being a miracle looker/ expector.. maybe.. maybe.. it is a miracle answered prayer of a girl's little heart..... *wink*....

In a strange and loving way.. this stirs something deep in my little heart... it is like, hope and faith well up from within.. it is like, something is dancing inside.. little heart dancing? hmm.. picture that? I can.. coz I could really feel it.. *grin* Walking in the snow, with the snowing falling on my face was truly an amazing experience.. walking in the snow, playing with the snow with my feet and hands was amazing... feeling the breeze and freeze of the wind and snow was uplifting.. And I have one thing to say that is ..

"Thank You, Jesus.. Thank You, O LOrd...... Thank You for touching my little heart once again in such sweet and loving way.. "

muach!... *wink*..

Miracle of the Moment........

(Click here if the above is not working)

by Steven Curtis Chapman

It's time for letting go
All of our "if onlies"
Cause we don't have a time machine

And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything

Cause we are who and where and what we are for now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

There's only One who knows
What's really out there waiting
And all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is He's out there waiting
To Him the future's history

And He has given us a treasure called right now
And this is the only moment we can do anything about

So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
Let them soften your heart

And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go
Let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go
And listen to your heartbeat

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

And breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
And I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

Another lovely song to embrace... and think of the words sung.. Embrace the miracle of the moment.. and it is NOW!.. *wink*...

seConD mOnTH of 2o09...

wow.. couldn't believe it but I have entered the 2nd month of 2009.. there is this mix feelings about it. Hmm.. how to explain? Somehow, when things are not certain, whether you like or not, some sort of uneasy feeling is naturally there. Here again, is the question of how deep is my trust in the Good Lord.. I think it tells about my faith in Him. It shows to what extend I could really trust Him that He is my provider and He is my guide.

At the age of 32, I am thankful that He is so real in my life even when He is silent sometimes. I am thankful that I have progressed on in Him and that I am not back to square one. I am thankful for the things that He has blessed me with and even the things He did not bless me with because He knows what I could take and what I couldn't. I am thankful that He knows me through and through.. I am thankful for all the loved ones and friends He has given me. I am thankful for His love, peace and joy.. I am thankful.. I am thankful... for simplicity of life with the little on the palm of my hands..

I am thankful for the little miracles He has given me, I know them deep in my heart.. I am thankful that I am not perfect so that I could truly learn to know Him.. to know His heart.. to know what moves Him.. There are just so much to be thankful for.. if only, we pause and take stock of them.. if only, we choose to look at them closely.. if only, we are not busy getting busy.. Loving life as how God leads and blesses is just an amazing journey.. living a full life is to love God and to love life and to love the people.. *wink*

Mega SNOW...

Snow everywhere.. just couldn't believe it... falling everywhere.. like little snowy says.. "I am falling.. I am falling.." hehehehe.. well, this is England then.. *wink*.. I wonder, should I take more photos? Hmm.. lazy oh.. hehehe...... and they say it is going to snow more in the coming days.. wow.. I wonder why..

Snow makes me feel like in a fairytale land.. makes me feel more like a real little princess..

Wonder in the midst of all these, would miracles take place?

I am looking forward to seeing God's miracles in my life!.. He gave me many and I know He will give me more as I have faith and trust in Him. *wink*...