Pride stripped away.....

When pride being strippped away, it can be very scary.. that was what I felt... It is like the feeling of something we are so so used to being taken away. However, the beautiful thing is that when pride being stripped away, then, can truly experience the Grace of God to the full measure.. I wasn't "naked" because God wraps me with His grace and peace... So, the real question is do we truly trust Him to be vulnerable? Do I truly trust Him?

Do I understand what it means to be stripped away of pride? Not its entirety when I think deeper of it or rather just a little glimpse but I just wanna share my personal experience of it.. which I felt was "huge" for me at this juncture of my life. I need to qualify that it may seem enormous or huge for me but not necessary so for another person. Anyway, this is my experience.. and I am not here to compare notes la.. hehehe.. Of course, at the end of it, Jesus' experience is the one that we need to look at... Me ah.. still very very much a sinner la... It is by His Grace that I am saved... because He first loves me and He loves me so much.. for it is clear in John 3:16 that says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Anyway, much of this stripping of pride recently was when I have to come to God with nothing.. except with buckets full of tears and agony and brokenness. How to write about such feelings? No words could actually explain or describe these feelings... Only the Lord would truly understand how I actually felt... No one else would be able to eventhough some said that they do... Do they? Mm.. I didn't ask them further la but anyway, it doesn't matter whether they do or not. Coz for me, what mattered the most was that God understood and He graciously carried me and held me so close to Him when I most needed it. He sent the right people with the right words.. with timely hugs and comfort.. He sent the right emails of devotions to be read.. etc .. etc... All that I needed, He provided...

The bible clearly and many times said that pride can lead a person to his/her own fall. God's Word talks so much about "pride" and what it can do to a person.. the destruction effect it can have. Pride can actually stop us from receiving the many blessings that the Lord longs to give.

Proverbs 16:18 says,

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

Now, looking back, I am glad that I didn't run away and didn't shut down eventhough my whole being kept pushing for that negative yet "natural" responses. I wanted to so very badly. It was easier at that spur moment to response such ways. I wanted to just pack up my bags and go into hiding which I could have easily done so yet there were wars within me, fighting to and fro about this. I am glad that the Spirit man within me is strong enough to stand firm in the Lord, trusting that God knows what was happening. I am thankful that pride was overcame so that I could go to the nine intercessors and seek they prayers.. seek their intercession... and for some of them, seek their counsels.

Being in the leadership as a cell leader and usher leader actually helped alot, to my surprise. There were so many countless times when I felt like shutting down and disappearing from the face of everyone, I was reminded that there are many people under my leadership who would be stumbled if I were to respond negatively. How would I answer Jesus when I see Him face to face next time? The Lord was teaching me to look beyond myself and to look outwardly. It was tough but it was the Lord's courage and strength that sustained me.

I was just sharing recently that this experience (to me) is like 10 times magnified in terms of so much feelings and so much other things mixed together, just beyond my mind and comprehension. Yet the Lord's mercy is upon me. He knows what I could take and bear. He trusts me enough to allow me to go through this tough experience.. Just like the story of Job in the bible.. of how God allowed things to happen to Job.. But, of course, I have made many mistakes along the way too.. Pride had gotten in the way since the early days of the relationship... Mm.. the pride that I have is nothing great to shout about and nothing to be proud of, honestly but I recognise that it is there instead of living in denial.. *saying it very quietly*.... But, I am glad tat this time round, I had God's courage to be vulnerable.. "Ahhh... Just forget about pride-la..." I came to a point where I knew I have to be honest with God and the Godly counsellors that God has placed in my life.

Additionally on another note, because we live in a community, many people may say many things out of good intentions without realising that it can be hurting... Just like the friends of Job... I have been warned about these.. and learnt and still learning to forgive them if I encounter any. Also to learn that as long as I walk closely with God, my security is in Him and I can walk with confidence in Him. I know who I am in the Lord. That matters the most, at the end of the day.. Nothing else actually matters...

Why am I writing about this tonight where I am actually making myself vulnerable? Mmm.. I felt right to write about it.. because I know there are many out there who are hurting and alone.. with no one to go to.. Perhaps by reading what I have written would comfort them a little and to let them know that they are not alone.. I am praying that God would continuously be teaching me to write from my heart. and also, praying that many would be ministered to through this way... Life experiences are meant to be shared so that others would learn and not fall into the same trap.. As to how this would be made known to people, well, I leave that to God to lead and guide... :)

Well.. just want to end by saying that lets not allow PRIDE to cripple us in any way that hinders us from moving to the next level and the next level as where God wants us to move.... That is my prayer... even for myself. The need to be alert and on guard at all times... I am learning even as I reflect and write... Life is a continuous learning journey... Good night...