Nerve wrecking?

This feeling does come at times.. the nerve wrecking feeling.. it can be pretty annoying when it comes.. ooh.. How to deal with it? Hmm.. from my own experience, I would go to Abba Father and surrender them to Him.. but of course, there are times that I didn't do that allow it to "conquer" for many moments and I was shattered after that!.. sigh.. But I am learning from experiences not to allow it to bother me.. not allow myself to wallow in it and be shattered!.. Sometimes, I succeed.. Sometimes, I didn't.. but guess that is pretty normal because, after all, I am still human!.. and not perfect..

But basically.. it is alot to do with choices.. my choices.. coz as the feelings come which they will come, it is actually my choice how it is going to affect me.. Sound easy? Hmm.. it can be if only we don't complicate it!.. hehe.. I try looking at it as simple as I could.. and to make deliberate choices.. and trusting that God is always there to prompt me.. to remind me.. Being me, there are times, I didn't hear it.. didn't catch it.. and then I fell.. a little.. and.. oops.. well, nevermind, I could get up again!.. That is the beauty of God's grace and mercy.. *grin*

Guess.. that's life.. hor? with its ups and downs.... with its excitements and pitfall experiences... but the most important key is to stay close with God.. walk close with God.. others may fall and tumble, others may fail and disappoint.. all else may fail but God will never!.. and I am holding this KEY super closely to my heart.... and I pray that all my family, friends and loved ones would do so as well...... what treasure it is.... *wink*

Where to go? What to do?...

I have so many questions in my little brain... and I always seem to be having lots of questions!.. That is normal.. Haha.. ya, it is so true.. I am always asking questions.... It is just so ME!..

and the past couple of weeks, I am just being so.. unsure of stuff and yet at the back of my mind, I know God is with me and He is always with me at all times.. no matter what.. That is the assurance that He has given me in my little heart.. *grin*..

I guess because of that, I am just not motivated to scribble.. sorry guys.. just too many things on my plate currently.. actually, not really many things.. but rather, a few BIG things.. it is just so terrifying sometimes if I were to decide on the spot for all of them.. well, it can be rather overwhelming.. The feeling is super real.. and I believe it is good to acknowledge it and face it on the front instead of sweeping it under the carpet and let it rot.. Things that go rotting overtime would not be good at all..

Well...... I really thank God that for accommodation wise, it has been decided and I have a peace of mind.. Now, the tougher part of the hunt is here.. JOB HUNT.. perhaps, it may not be that tough and yet, why am I having thoughts that it is tougher.. hmm.. what are the fears looming around in this particular hunt that are haunting me, crippling me? I know there are a few... and I just need to take deep breaths, pray, trust God and take one step at a time..... and be overcomer!.. Phew.. where to begin?

Here goes nothing.. and here I am..... as Zechariah 4:6 says.. "not by might nor by power, but by God's Spirit.".. To walk the path set by God.. I am praying that I am walking in His path, to turn if I need to turn.. to walk in His pace.. to be faithful in the little things.. to love people because God loves us so much.. ya.. that is what I have been doing and continue to do.. that is where I have been heading and continue on..... *wink*

where to draw the line or boundary?

as I woke up this morning, just feeling kinda bluish.. having mix feelings about many things.. perhaps, being swamped by too much things, the overloading of big decisions to make in the days to come.. hmm.. an indication that I have been on the "thinking" mode too much.. "red alert!".. if not careful, I would be wallowing in things that would not be helpful..

I just wonder.. who would ever able to understand me? I know God does.. but who else? Am I expecting too much from comrades of the same kind? Hmm.. this question pops into my mind this morning..... if only..... I have too many "if onlys".. Well, even as I think about it, praying and asking God, the words that came was to do things one at a time.. decide things one at a time... Is there need for a rush?

I am praying for the right people to meet up with and chat.. if I could spend that few hours with any one that God has brought to my path, that few hours are well spent.. and I pray that beautiful things would come out of them.. God is the grower of many beautiful things in lives of many.. So exciting..... Hee.. Now, I am excited!.. Hmmm...... again.... it is one step at a time.. *wink*..

Potentials...

Having to be in Brum on the 3rd day after arriving and entering the UK smoothly, this morning, I read this new book that I have bought on the Logos Hope ship yesterday and it writes about "potentials".. Hmm.. I shall be dwelling my thoughts on this for today.. and asking the Lord to make it clearer for me to understand and to grasp His definition for me.

There are so much He has installed for every single one of us but yet, why alot of us do not live out to the best? What stops us from being where He wants us to be? I am searching and asking the good Lord these questions, over and over again...... and I just desire to be rested in Him and to hear Him.. I begin to realise that I am willing to try.. and not be so afraid that I didn't try.. I think that was my struggle in the past.. afraid of failures and mistakes that I didn't try.. I am glad that God has opened my eyes to see my personal struggles.. and to learn to trust Him and to try.. to take up things I never dreamt of taking and yet I would be doing them because I have His peace to do them. By His Grace and Mercy, I am able to..

So, what is the new thing that I am to try this time? Hmm.. In His time, it will be revealed... as I journey on.....

Transition after transition..

times are going rather crazy for me at this juncture of my life.. no sense of stability and yet there is this sense of excitement of what is to come... Choosing to walk closely with our Heavenly Father is so vital and of upmost importance... also, I am beginning to catch glimpses of people's feeling about deciding between countries.. tough decisions to make in life in a sense and the need to exercise FAITH is so crucial, I find.. to have the courage to step out and trust God that the decision made is one that is of God.. How do we really know? This question has always been swimming in my mind.. Do we ever know? I guess we would only know after we have decided, taken the steps needed and then looked back with hindsight..

well.. here I am today.. in the early June of 2009, sitting on my bed, in my new room in Kota Kemuning.. scribbling away, reflecting away and yet, there is no certainty of where I would be.. what I would be doing in the days to come.. Would be heading for UK this coming Thursday night though.. and praying that I would see what I am to do next.. Trusting God that He would guide me.. provide.. open the right door for me to go in and explore... *grin*.. do remember me in prayers if you read my blog... lots of excitements which are coupled with lots of uncertainties as well.. yet, the excitements in seeing God at work in my life overrule the uncertainties and fears.. as God fills me with much hope and joy of life.. and He is training me in areas of my life which needs to be trained and sharpened for the coming days.. for the vision He has planted in my heaart... *wink*...

Thankfulness..

Somehow, has this sense of thankfulness at this moment.. why so? hmm.. not sure, just being thankful to be surrounded with loved ones, family, friends and more friends.. Being thankful to be blessed with so many encouragements, love and support.. Being thankful that God has me exactly where He wants me to be.. and that He is guiding me each step by each step, in the ways that He knows best for me.

Do I know what I am going to do next? No, I don't.. but then, I trust that as I take baby step, each day at a time, He would open doors of opportunity to path the way for me as I walk closely with Him.. I pray that I would have His strength to walk.. and when I am weak, He will carry me through.. How comforting that is.. :)

And today, it just lingers in my head that.. when I really am stuck and not know what to do next, I should continue to pray even more and to pray in the spirit.. the comfort of being able to pray in the spirit, and the burdens being lifted up to the heavens.. and God hears my prayers.. He knows.. He cares.. He loves.. and I know I am in good hands...... *wink*

Time will tell...

Tell many things, I suppose.. Looking back with hindsights.. This is one phrase I remembered from a recent conversation. How true that is.. and it was a phrase shared many months back.. To know whether the decision we made is of God, we would know after looking back with hindsights.. In the sense, it is similar to the phrase of time will tell...

So, what about now? how do we decide things that is of God? or whether is this God's will for me? How do we truly know? by walking closely with Him and reading His Word.. Am I doing that? sometimes, I wonder, am I doing that enough? What is enough? Does it matter? Shouldn't I walk closely with God out of love for Him and not out of other ulterior motives? why so many questions? fear of missing God's will in life? Fear of making mistakes in life? It does cripple me sometimes.. and I just have to shout out Jesus' Name and to overcome it with His Word.. with His Courage.. It is by His Grace that I am where I am this day.. I am who I am this day.. Mistakes will happen.. but I have God by my side. That is the difference. Because He is by my side, I am able to start anew again. I am able to stand tall.. with His Glow and His Joy.. with His Strength.. with His Peace.. yeahhh.. yippee...

well... here I go again....... trying something new... with His Peace.. and in His time, I will know.. truly know.. and again be awed by He who says "I am"... *wink*