Reflecting and Scribbling away....

It truly makes u think deeper of life...

Psalm 52:8 says, "But I am like a green olive tree in the house of GOD: I trust in the mercy of GOD for ever and ever."

Wednesday 28 May 2008

My personal Yoke-Mate....

Today, I want to introduce my yoke-mate.. and He is Jesus.. He is my yoke-mate.. With this, I wanna cut and paste from this devotion I read two days ago.. I find it to be powerful and the truth just sort of like.. boggles my mind.. hehehe..

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Daily Manna

May 26, 2008

UNDER THE SAME YOKE
By Neil Anderson

Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My load is light. ~ Matthew 11:28-30

Matthew 11:28-30 contains a beautiful description of the purpose and pace of the Spirit-filled walk. Jesus invites you to a restful walk in tandem with Him, just as two oxen walk together under the same yoke. "How can a yoke be restful?" you ask. Because Jesus' yoke is an easy yoke. As the lead ox, Jesus walks at a steady pace. If you pace yourself with Him, your burden will be easy. But if you take a passive approach to the relationship, you'll be painfully dragged along in the yoke because Jesus keeps walking. Or if you try to race ahead or turn off in another direction, the yoke will chafe your neck and your life will be uncomfortable. The key to a restful yoke-relationship with Jesus is to learn from Him and open yourself to His gentleness and humility.

The picture of walking in the Spirit in tandem with Jesus also helps us understand our service to God. How much will you get done without Jesus pulling on His side of the yoke? Nothing. And how much will be accomplished without you on your side? Nothing. A yoke can only work if both are pulling together.

Paul said, "I planted, Apollos watered, but God was causing the growth" (1 Corinthians 3:6). You and I have the privilege to plant and water, but if God isn't in it, nothing will grow. However, if we don't plant and water, nothing will grow. God has chosen to work through the church, in partnership with you, to do His work in the world today. He's the lead ox. Let's learn from Him.

Suggested Prayer:
Dear Jesus, I want You to be my yoke-mate today. Keep me from going ahead or lagging behind. I want to walk step-by-step with You.
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Isn't this beautiful? to me, it is.... Jesus is my yoke-mate... I am imagining it in my head... such beautiful picture... and so light is the yoke because Lord Jesus is there and I am not alone... I hope to be able to walk step-by-step with Him.... with His help and guidance... *wink*...

Thursday 22 May 2008

Doing the same things slightly different does make a big difference!...

That was what I discovered.. Just a slight change of style.. asking with a slight different of tones.. using slight change of words.. praying a different way of prayers and so on, so forth.. does make a difference.. not small difference but kinda big one wo..

I really like this discovery eventhough it has been there for a long time.. even before my time... but it is a fresh revelation to me. hehehe.. and I am embracing it freshly and it just feels right and goes right with my spirit-man.... Oh yes! *smile*

Today, I would like to say........ "Good Morning, readers of scribblings...!!!".. mmm.. it doesn't sound as good as "Good Morning America!".. hehehehe........ oh well..... mine has a twist of the tongue effect.. hehehe......

(Scribbler is out of her scribblings for the morning....... she will be back, most definitely... stay tuned...)

Wednesday 21 May 2008

Precious Moments ~ part Two...

Continuing from part One of Precious Moments...

(in KLCC station...) Little Joshua had gone to KLCC before but via a different transport, i.e. car.. Anyway, the reason why we were there last night was because I needed to get some books from Kinokuniya bookstore, an excellent bookstore with much varieties.. We went up the escalators, little Jos loved that.. and he was having fun, rushing from one end to the other and going up the escalators again.. Kids have their ways of fun in the most simplest way.. amazing..

Reached the bookstore, I already knew what I was looking for and therefore went straight to the enquiry counter to ask for the book.. while little Josh feeling tired, asked to be sat on a stool nearby. and then, he saw a balloon with no owner around.. He quickly went over to possess it.. hehehe.. My mom said it could belong to someone-else.. yet, he refused to listen, he just want the balloon.. that's my nephew, he loves anything that is round in shape.. balloons, balls, anything at all..... and here I was, earlier on, thinking what to buy for him as he comes for this visit to KLCC... Also, while taking the escalators up earlier on, from far, I saw distribution of balloons down below and I said in my heart, "wouldn't it be nice to get one for Joshua."... hehe, God knew and the balloon was there, left unattended to in the bookstore..

While I was looking at the books, mom was busy chasing after little Jos who by now, has became rather restless and rather playful.. running everywhere.. Well, gotten the two books that I wanted and went to the counter and paid for it. Mission accomplished. The next mission, finding toilet for little Josh and ourselves too.. hehehe.... After the toilet mission, we decided to take the lift down instead..

At the concourse, we saw two human dressed in a koala suit and kangaroo suit.. The koala fella shook hands with little Jos.. and also had a high-five moment with him too.. He enjoyed it much.. After all that, it was time to go home.. so, we made our way back to the train station......

The journey back was somewhat different because little Joshua has gotten used to the train sound and feeling of being in the train.. He was more daring to walk around.. wanting to try different moves, hanging on the hand-rail.. climbing anything that he could climb.. a really handful time for me.. yet, it was fun and precious to just goof with him in all these..... and time flew by so fast that we reached the Kelana Jaya station in a jeefy...

Our train journey ended as we walked out of the train, with little Joshua clinging around me as I carried him... He was definitely tired and yet I know, he enjoyed himself.. the next round, would let him insert the LRT ticket into the slot as he wanted to do that but things happened way too fast that I didn't stop to let him do that...

As I scribble on, I know that I am learning more and more to stop in life to enjoy.... to enjoy moments that are truly precious.. Guess this is one of the many things which God has gotten through with me recently... important lesson of life.... Sometimes, I wonder to myself, "if only...." but then again.. that is the irony of life.... why question it?.. Contentment is holy gain.. think that is somewhere in the New Testament..

(Scribbler continue to scribble on in her thoughts... even though the virtual scribbling stops here........ *wink*)

The beginning of a chapter...

Yup.. new chapter of my life.. new season, in another word.. as I venture into books and books of formulas, notations, numbers.. Excitement arose within me.. I am just exploring, wondering where would this take me.. bought some interesting books last night, to start somewhere small.. little by little.. God will bring me to somewhere, a place where I never dream of going and yet I would be there.. today, mark one of the early pieces of the jigsaw puzzle..

I love the mystery of this.. it gives me much excitement in life.. and today, i am definitely on an optimistic side of thoughts! *wink*

Precious Moments

Well, yesterday evening was one of the precious moments that I have with my little nephew, Joshua.. as we (mom and I) brought him for his first LRT ride..

You should look at the excitement he has when I reached home from work.. He was waiting with much anticipation and I thoroughly enjoyed experiencing that sense of anticipation. Little children love this.. and I think adults love it too though most times we never say it or admit it. Actually, now, thinking about it, I think I have forgotten how it was like to truly feel these stuff but then again, I think I had glimpses of them or rather, it was in my hands not too long ago but unfortunately, it didn't stay long. Unknowingly, I wasn't in the capacity to embrace it though.. Mm.. A mystery to me then that well, is no longer a mystery to me now. Am I scribbling in riddle? Well, I like that.. And, I wonder would anyone able to understand my heart in this? Mm..

Ooops.. lets get back to precious moments.. hehehe.. that short snip away was about "looking-back" moments.. hehehe.. Ok, where was I? Ahh.. Little Joshua waiting for me to come home.. Then, he literally followed everywhere I went to make sure I don't forget him.. so to speak.. Well, then, we are off to the Kelana Jaya LRT Station.... parked my car opposite the station. God is so good. He gave us a nice parking spot near to the bridge connecting to the station. Thank You God...

Then, we bought the tickets.. Joshua doesn't require a ticket.. *smile*... and off we went, up to the platform to wait for the train... The train arrived... and we went in (of course).. got some nice seats.. and little Joshua was looking around, wondering and observing.. think he was feeling rather strange.. coz he was very quiet.. holding tied to my mom and then holding my hand too.. After like 15 minutes passed, he asked for his milk.. Think that was his comfort. While he was drinking, his eyes were looking around, at the people standing, sitting around him. I do wonder what was going on in his little curious mind.. Mm.. well, then as the KLCC-stop was nearing, I gently whispered in his ears, "we are reaching soon.. "

As the train approached the station and stopped, he shouted.. "KLCC".. Smart boy.. hehehe.. And off we went, passed through the crowd of people..

(to be continued..... in part Two of precious moments... as the scribbler needs to start work.... hehehe)

Tuesday 20 May 2008

Ping-Pong Moments

Or another word is "War" moments... coz there are the back and forth kinda motion... Visualise ping-pong ball being hit back and forth; back and forth? well, that was what I was feeling the past few days...

Not able to scribble lots on this in terms of the "negative" side of it, else it would be too depressing for anyone to read.. and not so encouraging for anyone, even for myself.. yet, ping pong moments has an interesting touch of it or you can call element.. meaning, there is the hope coz there is the struggle to overcome.. so, these days, I ping-pong in a smarter and wiser way as compared to those youthful years of Eon's ago.. That is the difference, I guess.. A rather major difference.. and because there is the Hope given by God, it is worth to war through whatever that is within me and be an overcomer.

It is like the war (my extreme word) or the struggle (a nicer word) between the flesh-man and spirit-man as written by Apostle Paul in the New Testament.. I could identify to what was written because the Lord has spoken through it and it is so very the real in my own life, especially so when I no longer want to hide anything from Him anymore. Mm.. dangerous thing to scribble about, some may say. I know but yet, I ask of Him to be gentle with me as He deals with the sins within me.. The Lord is so ever loving and kind.. and He is gentle too.. Better to fear Him than to fear men..

Monday 19 May 2008

"Amazing Grace"...

Just love talking about the Grace of God...... and just want to scribble on one of my recent watched movies. Watched this movie titled "Amazing Grace". Truly amazing true story of this man named William Wilberforce... who led the campaign to abolish slavery in Britain... how he just pressed on, regardless of negative circumstances.. I thought, "Wow.. what passion he has.. What boldness he has..." Truly, a man of God who dare to believe and dare to do what God has put in his heart to do.... Truly amazing..... This put me to thought as to.. "would I ever be able to have such boldness?"; Definitely, there is a further slight stirring in the heart.... What am I to do with the stirring? Mm....

One of His quotes in 1789..
"You may choose to look the other way
But You can never again say you did not know
"

I find this really intriguing and heart piercing quote..... and so many times, i have chosen to look the other way.. and got the "cheek" to ask; "What is it.... what is it....." And, the Lord, in His gentleness, waits for me to turn to look at the right way and move the right way. Which is the right way? Jesus is my Focus of life and yet, how much do I really believe that within me and truly live it in my life? Mmm.... One of the many things that I am pondering and reflecting.. and I know He reveals it clearer and clearer in His wondrous time..... :)

Also, wanting to share this song by Chris Tomlin.... *Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone)*... Another lovely and touching song......


Better than I...

Who knows better than I?.. make a guess.. hehehe.. if still couldn't catch it, then listen to this song which I heard from the cartoon movie titled Joseph, the king of dreams... A lovely movie to watch.. Listen on, and be blessed.. This is another song that truly touched my heart as I listened to it for the first time last Saturday and even few times after that... It is like I am Joseph, singing that song..... I truly felt that and it is so assuring to hear this song and to know that God knows better than I.....

I have been watching lots of great movies the past few days and learning excellent stuffs.. reminded of many things. In fact, spiritually, I was moved in some sense as I watched and drew some of the stuff from the movies.. Think I am definitely a visual person... hehehe... Anyway, enjoy the song......

Wednesday 14 May 2008

Moments.. Intro!

Think I wanna scribble a series on "Moments".. the all sorts of moments.... I already scribbled two posts so far... and I have the 3rd one in my mind, swimming at me.. my goodness..

This is like the introductory to my "Moments" series.. hehehe... and I will put a special link in the blog to this series for easy reference.... It will be developed as I scribble along when the ideas come.. But I do wonder whether will there be connection with one another once I start scribbling.. well, no clue what-so-ever.. but I just know that the one and only connection that I could think of now is the word "Moment".. hehehe.. They are all moments of life.. of my own personal life, that is...

Tuesday 13 May 2008

Unnerving Moments....

What a contradiction if you do happen to compare my posts with one another.. well, honestly speaking, we are capable of having many different type of moments in life at the same time..... And they just happen so fast, before we could sneeze.. why sneeze? don't know. The word just came and I scribbled it down... hehe..

Unnerving Moments coz.. I am still thinking ahead (why am I still doin that? oh well..) of what is to take place in the days to come.. even as I wait and wait.. Actually, it is so strange yet very true that knowing and having God in control of my life, my future, why would I still have unnerving moments? But it is an honest confession that I do have them.. and guess that shows how human I am and it also points to the "test" of how much I trust Him.. If I trust Him completely, I wouldn't have these strange moments.. So, perhaps, somewhere inside me, there is part of me that still have pieces of unbelief.. I am just being point-blank with myself even as I scribble on.. Who would really admit that? Well, I am of the opinion that it is important to be able to do that.. and only then, I am able to cry out to God to help me with my unbelief.. every part of it.. even if it could be just a piece..

This is my two-cents worthed of thought for today.. and you know what, it gives me great comfort to know that Jesus loves me just the same, no matter what... yippee...

Rose in its unique way......


I particularly like this shot that I took out of so many shots... though it is a little blurrish but I love the effect... hehehe.. maybe I should consider photography as a hobby.. but not the "pro" type lar.. just to capture things and people that I like..... hehehehe......

My goodness.. I find this rose particularly unique.... just like how each of us are unique in God's eye... *wink*

Uniqueness is something that is only God-given.... In fact, all things are God-given-lar.. hehe.. what am I scribbling about?? Simplicity of life is something I aim for.. and uniqueness of life also come into part.. yet, how to balance between both in the midst of many other thoughts? Mm.. the Lord's wisdom is upon me to discern and decide.. coz He Loves me Lots and Lots! Could you imagine, visible "love" dropping from the sky? Even as I scribble, I could imagine it... the overflowing and showering of His Love.....

Wow.. just a rose picture could inspire me to scribble till here..... I wonder what else I could scribble about in the days to come as my thoughts just flow and dream.... *dreaming away*.....

Photo of the month.. though abit blurrrr.. ada effect!...


Everyone is smiling..... Little Joshua smiled the BEST!.. and, well, baby Tiffany abit sleepy though... This photo would be perfect if Dad is around too..... well, the next round when he comes home, we will take another family photo......

Joyous Moments...


Baby Tiffany enjoying her milk session

Sis in law cutting cake with little Joshua and baby Tiffany

The family of my bro...


Look at what little Joshua is doing.. cherrie eating.. hehehe

Yup.. just wanna share some joyous moments back home at my parents place in Sitiawan.. Just being home and all.. with bro and sis in law and the two little kids.. Little Joshua and baby Tiffany.

Took some photos of these moments.. and last Saturday was my sis in law's birthday and we celebrated with her.. I find it to be significant because.. well, long story to share it here but deep down I know in my heart that it is significant. And, I am thankful that this significance has arrived. Thank God for His provision and blessings.

Being home is great and if only I could be home longer.. Mm.. never before anyone would ever hear me saying this but yet this is what I have been saying the past months.. Anyway, am looking forward to having the whole family up here in PeeJay this coming weeks... Definitely looking forward to going home each day after work..

.. and the remaining photos, I would post them in my
facebook.. hehe.. easier to upload into facebook than here in the blog..

Monday 12 May 2008

Psalm 28

Of David....

To you I call, O LORD my Rock;
do not turn a deaf ear to me.
For if you remain silent,
I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.

Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.

Do not drag me away with the wicked,
with those who do evil,
who speak cordially with their neighbors
but harbor malice in their hearts.

Repay them for their deeds
and for their evil work;
repay them for what their hands have done
and bring back upon them what they deserve.

Since they show no regard for the works of the LORD
and what his hands have done,
he will tear them down
and never build them up again.

Praise be to the LORD,
for he has heard my cry for mercy.

The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song.

The LORD is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Save your people and bless your inheritance;
be their shepherd and carry them forever.

Friday 9 May 2008

Heavenly Language...

How awesome it is to be able to speak the Heavenly language, especially when there are no words to say what I really feel from within me. My soul just yearns to speak and yet no known words could able to express. Father Lord knows the deepest longing of my soul.. and He knows there would be moments and times where my soul just need to express.. and He gave me the gift of the Heavenly language to express what my soul longs to express..

There is such release and freedom to be able to speak Heavenly language unto the Lord.. It brings comfort and energy to the soul.. to lift my soul up especially when I am down and restless..

I experienced moments like these pretty often.. In fact, this very morning while I was driving to work, there was this sense of dark cloud hovering over me, my soul.. And when I began to speak the Heavenly language for many minutes, I could feel such release and the dark cloud was blown away... And then, there was a tiny leap of excitement within me, and I knew that my soul has been comforted and lifted up...

And the following Psalm just spoke of what my soul was going through.. I could identify with King David as I read the following Psalm.. The following are the exact verses that spoke to me where I could feel the "Yes, that's exactly what I am feeling."..

King David in Psalm 31: 1-5 sang...
In You, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in Your righteousness.

Turn Your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.

Since You are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of Your name lead and guide me.

Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for You are my refuge.

Into Your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

followed by verses 7 to 10.....
I will be glad and rejoice in Your love,
for You saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.

You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.

My life is consumed by anguish
and my years by groaning;
my strength fails because of my affliction,
and my bones grow weak.

then, continued in verses 14 to 16.....
But I trust in You, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hands;
deliver me from my enemies
and from those who pursue me.

Let Your face shine on Your servant;
save me in Your unfailing love.

Wednesday 7 May 2008

Could I make it?

Mmm...... *thinking real hard*... woosh.... wheezz...

"In CHRIST, indeed you will make it."!!

Think this is one powerful phrase...
*feeling comforted and assured*....

oh.. how we all need this so very the often..... *wink*...

Monday 5 May 2008

The Potter.... and Clay...

Got the following picture from this link...

But you will ask me, "Why does God blame men for what they do? Who can go against what God wants?" Who are you to talk back to God? A pot being made from clay does not talk to the man making it and say, "Why did you make me like this?" The man making the pots has the right to use the clay as he wants to. He can make two pots from the same piece of clay. One can have an important use. The other one can be of little use.
Romans 9:19 - 21 (New Life Version)

This is something that was spoken about yesterday evening.. also, talking about the burning process.. and the molding process... mmm... lets reflect...

12345%*#@+-= numbers, equations..

What a title... hehehe.. me not scolding anyone lar.. they are just numbers and symbols of equations... which I pray and hope that I would go in depth much more in the days to come..

There is that spark and new passion that has stirred up within me but will it last, I wonder.. Mm.. we shall see as I start learning and studying.. It challenges the mind, mm... my mind, to be precise. Where am I heading with just tiny weeny spark? I am clueless but I know He will guide me as I seek Him..

Dream big dreams ma.. and this is my latest dream.. heheheh....in the midst of many others.. well, just want to challenge my level of "intelligence", so to speak.. and to see where I can go.. So, am starting small and starting at the basic.. and praying to see the Lord turning the impossible to possible... because it is written in His Word that with God all things are possible. And, I have seen many times of it taking place in the lives of people around me.. and it all started small... and it takes time and effort.. and hardwork.. and I know it is not by chance that I studied accountancy too..

"Holy Ambition" was the title of a book shared by a close couple friends last night.. mm.. and it stayed in my mind... something intriguing here and I am still lingering around the phrase.. and feeling the "goosebump" even as I scribble.. Mmm... something is on here.. hehehe...... exciting.. and thrilling... Love this feeling. I am up there somewhere already..

Earth calling Vivien..... heheheh.. kay, coming down now... *wink*

Friday 2 May 2008

P.R.A.I.S.E.

Yup.. the word for today!.. or it is the word for me for today or it could be for the weekend ahead...

P. raising your way through....
R. ejoicing in the Lord....
A. scending towards His Will....
I. ncreasing of Faith in Him....
S. oaring like the eagle...
E. xalting the Name of the Lord....

Most definitely exciting weekend ahead.. I could feel it..... Yippee..... Praising Him and Rejoicing in Him.... Come and join me!.. *smiling all the way*.....

Thursday 1 May 2008

Tears good for the soul.. and the tender heart...



Yup.. the title said it all... I am not scribbling it because I am so easily moved to tears these days.. but I find that there is a deep sense of truth in it.. otherwise, why do tears exist? Why do we have tears? There must be a reason why tears exist... why God gives us tears... ? mm.. because it is good for our soul and our heart..

Funny isn't it but it was true that I used to be very ashamed of crying.. I would think to myself, "Why cry?"... How wrong I was. What a wrong perspective that I had then... and I thank God that I didn't have to wait till I am super old to realise this wrong perspective..

Honestly speaking, there are many moments where I would cry and sometimes, would tear a little.. However, it feels good to be able to do that freely these days. "No shame".. Just the good sense of release... a good sense of relief... I still find this facinating to be able to do that... and I could just laugh over it as I scribble away.. "Be real with emotions.." mm... cool phrase! I like it. All this are possible because the Lord God Almighty has broken my heart of stone and turned it to heart of flesh... a heart so soft and yet strong in the Lord.. Now, that is the difference.. a difference that only a few could understand...

Of course, this is rather rare to be spoken of especially in a culture where it is ingrained that it is weak to cry.. shouldn't cry, must be strong.. mmm...... Yet, if the heart is hurting, why not let it cry then? It makes lots of sense to cry, to release.. to be strong at the wrong time would only make things worse in the long run.. and eventually, it would be spilled out somewhere.. and that would be scary.. I learnt that in Elijah House Malaysia. Amazing truths revealed in the Word of God as we study His Word even more intensely. In the midst of crying, we can be strong in the Lord.. and the Lord would just amazingly love us where we are... His heart that is reaching out would be able to reach our hearts... If there is the hardening of heart where no crying is allowed, His heart is not able to reach the heart though He longs to...

Well..... I can scribble what I like... coz afterall, this is a place where I could express my heart... hehehe.. the beauty of blogging.. and I have that deep sense of knowing that the Lord is guiding each scribble that I scribble... as I avail myself, my life for Him to break.. like that one loaf.. to be broken to many and to feed many.. as many as the Lord wills it to be...... Oh Yes Lord.. Your Will be done!

A Pot Story - Then the Title; Now the CONTENT..

Mm.. ya.. only today able to gather some time to scribble what I haven't finished scribbling a couple of days ago..

So.. the Content.. What is it? hehehe.. Have I kept people in suspend long enough? Actually, it was nothing really great.. yet it was something I felt that God used to speak to me so specifically on 29th April 2008 morning.. Where should I begin?

Out of the blue, just felt right to boil some chicken soup to eat with mee sua for my brother and I.. So, decided to boil the soup on 29th April 2008 early morning.. It is not the normal boiling of soup.. they call it "double-boiling" or something like that. Anyway, it takes about 3 hours to boil... so, means, I have to start boiling at about 5am... That was what I did... After the big fire, I turned it to medium fire... and I went back to sleep, thinking that I would wake up about 6 plus to check on it...... ooooops.... I didn't.......

Well, God saved the soup and the pot at the nick of time.. He woke me up at the appropriate time, to save the chicken soup at the nick of time… else it would have been totally burned. Though the pot was dry and dry, yet it could be saved.. stained much and it could be washed cleaned.. The Lord used that to tell me that; though there were times of burning and I was feeling really dry, I could be saved. He will always save me at the nick of time. He will wake me up at the opportune time, just like how He woke me up for the pot. He also said that though my life was stained, it could be washed cleaned because of the blood of Jesus Christ and I would be all ready for what is to come. Wasn't that an interesting thought and revelation that came.. and it soothed my heart tremendously.. my goodness.. It really does… wow… Thank You O Lord…

Well... that is the Pot Story for you and especially for me.. *grinning*... And that day, the Lord said that I am the Pot... and I personally believed it applies to you too... Ah-ha....