Waiting is tough!..

oh yes, it is tough.. I have to be very honest about it.. What else could I scribble about it? It is really a matter of choosing how I look at it.. optimistically or pessimistically? I would love to be optimistic about it. However, I realize at this moment that I was trying very hard to be optimistic but somehow, my whole body language and behaviors do not project it..

Maybe I am trying too hard? Maybe I am relying on my own strength instead of God's? Oh bummer!.. Maybe that is why!..

How do I overcome this? It feels like time is running out.... and I am still stuck!.. bummer.. bummer... I wonder what God is saying in all this? What am I to learn from this? Why the wait? How long more to wait? What am I to do? and I could feel that things are falling apart.... or is it just my vivid imagination? is this the "evil" at work..? trying to make me think that things are falling apart? hmmmmmmmmm....

Actually, come to think of it, since my life was picked up by God from pieces and made whole two years ago; He knows what He is doing.. It doesn't really matter anymore.... if I am to wait, I would just wait.. and God never ever fail..... I shall just hold onto that promise and live!.. whether I get a job or not, He knows I need money to sustain and keep me going.. so, He will provide at the right time..

So, what's next? Next or rather what I would continue to do would be to just be as obedient as possible to hear His voice and follow Him.. Do what He impresses in my heart to do.. Be who He wants me to be.. Jobs are in His hands.. My life is in His hands!..

Again.. the phrase.. NO TURNING BACK... *wink*

"I know I can. I know I can... because of JESUS"

This just came so timely for me....... and I know the story of the Little Engine That Could.. I read it when I was a little girl..... awww... Anyway, just want to share the following devotion reading I received today...... It is another assurance from God to me at this juncture of my life...... Amazing God!.. :D Pray that you would be blessed as I have been blessed and even more as you read on............. *wink*

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Daily Manna
August 19, 2009

I Know I Can

By Cindy Hess Kasper

God is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us. Ephesians 3:20

Remember the story of The Little Engine That Could? That determined little train climbed the steep hill by chanting positively, “I think I can. I think I can.” And then, as it gained more resolve, it declared, “I know I can. I know I can.”

No one would disagree that followers of Christ should think and live in a positive way. But do you ever find yourself depending too much on your own abilities rather than on the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit?

In John 15, Jesus explained our need for complete dependence on Him when He said, “He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing” (v.5). Paul reminded us that we “can do all things through Christ who strengthens [us]” (Phil. 4:13), that “the excellence of the power [is] of God and not of us” (2 Cor. 4:7), and that we are “strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man” (Eph. 3:16).

Because of God’s power, we can do whatever He asks of us—through Him. We can base our confidence not in our own abilities, but in God’s absolute promises.

So, today, with exceedingly more power than the little engine could ever muster, we can say, “I know I can. I know I can—because of Jesus.”

God gives to His servants this promise:

You’ll not have to face life alone;

And when you grow weak in your struggle,

His strength will prevail—not your own. —Hess

God’s requirements are met by God’s enabling.

Phil 4:12b-13
…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

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Missing my two little munchkins...

Out of no where, I am missing my two little munchkins... my nephew and niece (Josh and Tiff).. They must have grown more now.. since the last time I seen them..

Another step...

yes... received a call on Monday morning that I have been successful to proceed to 2nd stage interview in this company.. A step forward as I rest in the Lord and trust Him as I prepare for the interview.. It wasn't easy actually.. as waiting is tough.. sometimes, some moments, I get disillusioned.. I have to admit that.. It is the struggle of the flesh.. After I received the call, I felt happy.. till I cried!.. I guess some parts of me still couldn't believe that I would be called for 2nd interview.. I personally believe that this process of waiting and trusting God is very important.....

I am so thankful to Him who reveals step by step.. and God, in His own special ways, is touching my heart.... I remembered the prayer prayed by one of the lady prayer ministers at St John... I am really glad that I obeyed God's prompting to go in front for prayers.. It just felt so right....

I will try my very best to prepare the powerpoint for the presentation... and to practise presenting it... and trust that God will guide my every word and action during the presentation... His calmness and steadiness is with me.... His confidence, courage and creativity will be reflected in my presentation.. Pray for me ya, my dear readers.... thank you.....*wink*

God knows her heart..

Yes... Truly God knows my heart. He sent de one and only thing He knows would put a big big smile on my face and in my heart. A Tatty Teddy Bear! A big bear.. My most favourite bear.. Eventhough it is on loan for de coming two years, I just couldn't believe I have him on my bed in my comfy room.. I know I would get to own one of my very own one day.....

Even in this little matter, God took care of it..... and He gave lavishly.. I was praying for one.. but never thought that he would be such a huge one.. Somehow, this blessing confirms even more and deeper in my heart that God is taking care of other matters of my life; even more so the big matters!..... I am so comforted.. I really am..... *grin*

Inspiration.. I need some!..

Somehow today, I just longed for inspirations..... Why? Hmm.. not sure.. I guess I want to do something!.. ha.. something different... probably, I am just so poofed out after a day of looking at jobs websites..... Need inspiration to apply jobs differently!.. where do I get such inspirations from? *Ting!* *Bling* *bulb lightens!* who else but God?.... *smile*

And inspirations to scribble more here..... coz I notice that I have not been scribbling lots these days.... it is like, I have ran out of ideas to scribble... ooh... where has they gone to? under my bed? wait wait.... possibly I was too pre-occupied with the uncertainties of what is to come that I am zooked out of ideas...... Now, that is not good!.. So, time to buck up!... and be inspired!........ And it is a choice!.. constant choice.....

Anyway, looking forward to see some friends tonight..... C-group members...... and we are suppose to go for a historical walk round Harborne but then the weather doesn't seem to be too good.. will see what happens, I guess.... Oh!.. it is already wednesday now and I still haven't heard any news on the interview I went for a week ago!...... getting abit more nervy now..... Just being honest here....

oh...... how? how? *frantic anxious look* hmm...... keep cool and pray..... trust God and believe there is a reason for this wait..... But I need to get a job soooooon...... else I turn into couch potato!.. aiks... Ha!.. maybe that is why I am not scribbling that much these days...... well, I am just expressing myself in public!.. heeeee.. oops.... Just being me.... Just being real with the feelings that I have currently......

Well.. here goes......... be witty.. be brave... be real... be inspired!...... See.. I have said it!... and I feel so much better now..... I will be back! *wink*

Amazing God, He is...

Yes.. truly He is amazing!.. He never fails me.. I know He never will.... and I look forward to see what He has installed for me in the days to come. As I wait upon Him at this hour, He assured me over and over again in ways only He knows how that would touch my heart.... Just as the saying goes, "God is good, All the time"... and it is really true!.. He Is Good, All the Time.. and All the Time, God is Good!..

Have been thinking lots; reflecting lots too... I have all the time to do that at this juncture of my life.. Seeking the Lord's face.. Waiting on Him, trying my best to hear His voice and follow His guidance..

Even on the past Sunday, God has been speaking and assuring me through the two church services I went for.. one in the morning and one in the evening.. Hmm.. I think it would be interesting to just scribble down the few snippets of bible verses that stood out for me from the two sermons....

Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 5:6

..... at just the right time........

Hosea 12:6

But you must return to your God;

maintain love and justice,

and wait for your God always.

Jeremiah 29:11-14

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will restore your fortunes. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

May His Word speak to us all even as we read and reflect on them...... and there was this one phrase that remains in my mind saying; "Lets not be satisfied with less than what He has for us". How profound that was!.. Well, I find it profound!.. coz many times, I always got myself stuck, thinking that I only deserve just a little without realising that God has more for me.. Not sure how the mentality of this came about but it is there.. But this time, I choose not to be stuck in such thoughts!.. Instead I am choosing to believe and trust God.. that He has the best for me.. far beyond my own imagination...... *grin*

May His Name be glorified in every way He sees fit........ in my life...... in my personal walk with Him.... in this exciting journey of life...... *wink*

A bit clearer?

Lots of things took place the past two to three weeks...... I moved!.. and am in my new place for about a week plus now... still adjusting to things.. and it is getting there....... many adjustments to be done...... hee.... different experiences ahead!..

And, I have two good news!.. I gotten back my passport on 22nd July with granted leave to remain and work in UK for the coming two years..... This happened just two days before I moved out from my old place.... Isn't God amazing? On top of that, just few hours later of the same day, I received a call to go for interview..... Everything on the same day... I don't think it is coincident but His divine provision and plan........ :) double yippee!..

Ya.... the interview is tomorrow on 5th August 2009 at 12 noon........ I am preparing as much as I could but then again, how much could I prepare? Hmm...... I will do my best and leave the rest to God... if this company is where I am suppose to be in the days to come, the door will remain open and I will go in..... I am praying..... I am resting in Him...... eventhough it could be quite a challenge sometimes because I am a natural worrier.. But you know what? God's assurance is always there..... and as always, He sent people to encourage me, to speak timely words into me..... I am so touched and blessed by His everlasting love.... Just awed by Him...

Funny enough or rather strange enough, I haven't applied any other jobs..... hmmmm... risky matter huh? really.. not sure why I didn't...... oh well, will take one step at a time... and keep looking to Him...... Humanly speaking, I think I am taking such a big risk..... and yet, I felt right..... hmm....... time will tell!.. :)

well..... here goes.. interview tomorrow........ *wink*...... Thank God for such opportunity!..... :D

What is next?

This question has been in my mind all the time.. and I wonder.. I think I could even have scribbled about this too.. Can't remember and I didn't check.. hehe.. Anyway, day passes by real fast and just boggles my mind how fast it is..... So, what have I been doing?

Still waiting.. for my visa.. and waiting for news of the job I applied to.. Wonder where will I be working? Would I be working permanently? or signing contracts? Hmm.. Really do not know what God has installed for me.. I think reality will set in even more once I get my two years visa.. For now, the feeling is like.. "hmm.. floating".. uncertainty.. sense of "not sure"..

It just confirms even more that waiting period is tough.. the sense of not working at the moment just doesn't seem to be acceptable.. and yet, rushing into doing something doesn't seem to be right too.. So, kinda irony feeling.. kinda strange.. what is God saying in all these? what important lessons I am to learn from all these? How should I response?

I have been thinking.. I have been asking.. and I remembered the story of Joseph.. I remembered the story of Esther.. I was reminded of the story of Daniel.... How would I go beyond my current state and push forward to the next level? What are the things that I am to do? and even today as I was travelling in the bus, I was in deep thoughts... about many things.. and I was observing people too.. People on the bus.. the way how they carry themselves.. I am experimenting too.. what are the things that create grounds for people to talk, to smile.. Just amazed to see things.. things that I would probably not able to see if I am not on the bus.. On the bus, we can see many different type of people from all sides.. all levels of society..

Would I dare? I desire much to do many things.. and yet sometimes, it takes courage to do them.. and yet it feels right.. Should I? Would I? I guess that is how God wires me to be.. to be creative in different aspects of life.. to be curious.. to be willing to try..

Oh.. the best part is God is with me all the time...... and I could just do anything.. or don't do anything..... :D of course, within His boundary...... heee........ loving life.. loving people....... aww..... just brilliant!.. *wink*

Nerve wrecking?

This feeling does come at times.. the nerve wrecking feeling.. it can be pretty annoying when it comes.. ooh.. How to deal with it? Hmm.. from my own experience, I would go to Abba Father and surrender them to Him.. but of course, there are times that I didn't do that allow it to "conquer" for many moments and I was shattered after that!.. sigh.. But I am learning from experiences not to allow it to bother me.. not allow myself to wallow in it and be shattered!.. Sometimes, I succeed.. Sometimes, I didn't.. but guess that is pretty normal because, after all, I am still human!.. and not perfect..

But basically.. it is alot to do with choices.. my choices.. coz as the feelings come which they will come, it is actually my choice how it is going to affect me.. Sound easy? Hmm.. it can be if only we don't complicate it!.. hehe.. I try looking at it as simple as I could.. and to make deliberate choices.. and trusting that God is always there to prompt me.. to remind me.. Being me, there are times, I didn't hear it.. didn't catch it.. and then I fell.. a little.. and.. oops.. well, nevermind, I could get up again!.. That is the beauty of God's grace and mercy.. *grin*

Guess.. that's life.. hor? with its ups and downs.... with its excitements and pitfall experiences... but the most important key is to stay close with God.. walk close with God.. others may fall and tumble, others may fail and disappoint.. all else may fail but God will never!.. and I am holding this KEY super closely to my heart.... and I pray that all my family, friends and loved ones would do so as well...... what treasure it is.... *wink*

Where to go? What to do?...

I have so many questions in my little brain... and I always seem to be having lots of questions!.. That is normal.. Haha.. ya, it is so true.. I am always asking questions.... It is just so ME!..

and the past couple of weeks, I am just being so.. unsure of stuff and yet at the back of my mind, I know God is with me and He is always with me at all times.. no matter what.. That is the assurance that He has given me in my little heart.. *grin*..

I guess because of that, I am just not motivated to scribble.. sorry guys.. just too many things on my plate currently.. actually, not really many things.. but rather, a few BIG things.. it is just so terrifying sometimes if I were to decide on the spot for all of them.. well, it can be rather overwhelming.. The feeling is super real.. and I believe it is good to acknowledge it and face it on the front instead of sweeping it under the carpet and let it rot.. Things that go rotting overtime would not be good at all..

Well...... I really thank God that for accommodation wise, it has been decided and I have a peace of mind.. Now, the tougher part of the hunt is here.. JOB HUNT.. perhaps, it may not be that tough and yet, why am I having thoughts that it is tougher.. hmm.. what are the fears looming around in this particular hunt that are haunting me, crippling me? I know there are a few... and I just need to take deep breaths, pray, trust God and take one step at a time..... and be overcomer!.. Phew.. where to begin?

Here goes nothing.. and here I am..... as Zechariah 4:6 says.. "not by might nor by power, but by God's Spirit.".. To walk the path set by God.. I am praying that I am walking in His path, to turn if I need to turn.. to walk in His pace.. to be faithful in the little things.. to love people because God loves us so much.. ya.. that is what I have been doing and continue to do.. that is where I have been heading and continue on..... *wink*

where to draw the line or boundary?

as I woke up this morning, just feeling kinda bluish.. having mix feelings about many things.. perhaps, being swamped by too much things, the overloading of big decisions to make in the days to come.. hmm.. an indication that I have been on the "thinking" mode too much.. "red alert!".. if not careful, I would be wallowing in things that would not be helpful..

I just wonder.. who would ever able to understand me? I know God does.. but who else? Am I expecting too much from comrades of the same kind? Hmm.. this question pops into my mind this morning..... if only..... I have too many "if onlys".. Well, even as I think about it, praying and asking God, the words that came was to do things one at a time.. decide things one at a time... Is there need for a rush?

I am praying for the right people to meet up with and chat.. if I could spend that few hours with any one that God has brought to my path, that few hours are well spent.. and I pray that beautiful things would come out of them.. God is the grower of many beautiful things in lives of many.. So exciting..... Hee.. Now, I am excited!.. Hmmm...... again.... it is one step at a time.. *wink*..

Potentials...

Having to be in Brum on the 3rd day after arriving and entering the UK smoothly, this morning, I read this new book that I have bought on the Logos Hope ship yesterday and it writes about "potentials".. Hmm.. I shall be dwelling my thoughts on this for today.. and asking the Lord to make it clearer for me to understand and to grasp His definition for me.

There are so much He has installed for every single one of us but yet, why alot of us do not live out to the best? What stops us from being where He wants us to be? I am searching and asking the good Lord these questions, over and over again...... and I just desire to be rested in Him and to hear Him.. I begin to realise that I am willing to try.. and not be so afraid that I didn't try.. I think that was my struggle in the past.. afraid of failures and mistakes that I didn't try.. I am glad that God has opened my eyes to see my personal struggles.. and to learn to trust Him and to try.. to take up things I never dreamt of taking and yet I would be doing them because I have His peace to do them. By His Grace and Mercy, I am able to..

So, what is the new thing that I am to try this time? Hmm.. In His time, it will be revealed... as I journey on.....

Transition after transition..

times are going rather crazy for me at this juncture of my life.. no sense of stability and yet there is this sense of excitement of what is to come... Choosing to walk closely with our Heavenly Father is so vital and of upmost importance... also, I am beginning to catch glimpses of people's feeling about deciding between countries.. tough decisions to make in life in a sense and the need to exercise FAITH is so crucial, I find.. to have the courage to step out and trust God that the decision made is one that is of God.. How do we really know? This question has always been swimming in my mind.. Do we ever know? I guess we would only know after we have decided, taken the steps needed and then looked back with hindsight..

well.. here I am today.. in the early June of 2009, sitting on my bed, in my new room in Kota Kemuning.. scribbling away, reflecting away and yet, there is no certainty of where I would be.. what I would be doing in the days to come.. Would be heading for UK this coming Thursday night though.. and praying that I would see what I am to do next.. Trusting God that He would guide me.. provide.. open the right door for me to go in and explore... *grin*.. do remember me in prayers if you read my blog... lots of excitements which are coupled with lots of uncertainties as well.. yet, the excitements in seeing God at work in my life overrule the uncertainties and fears.. as God fills me with much hope and joy of life.. and He is training me in areas of my life which needs to be trained and sharpened for the coming days.. for the vision He has planted in my heaart... *wink*...

Thankfulness..

Somehow, has this sense of thankfulness at this moment.. why so? hmm.. not sure, just being thankful to be surrounded with loved ones, family, friends and more friends.. Being thankful to be blessed with so many encouragements, love and support.. Being thankful that God has me exactly where He wants me to be.. and that He is guiding me each step by each step, in the ways that He knows best for me.

Do I know what I am going to do next? No, I don't.. but then, I trust that as I take baby step, each day at a time, He would open doors of opportunity to path the way for me as I walk closely with Him.. I pray that I would have His strength to walk.. and when I am weak, He will carry me through.. How comforting that is.. :)

And today, it just lingers in my head that.. when I really am stuck and not know what to do next, I should continue to pray even more and to pray in the spirit.. the comfort of being able to pray in the spirit, and the burdens being lifted up to the heavens.. and God hears my prayers.. He knows.. He cares.. He loves.. and I know I am in good hands...... *wink*

Time will tell...

Tell many things, I suppose.. Looking back with hindsights.. This is one phrase I remembered from a recent conversation. How true that is.. and it was a phrase shared many months back.. To know whether the decision we made is of God, we would know after looking back with hindsights.. In the sense, it is similar to the phrase of time will tell...

So, what about now? how do we decide things that is of God? or whether is this God's will for me? How do we truly know? by walking closely with Him and reading His Word.. Am I doing that? sometimes, I wonder, am I doing that enough? What is enough? Does it matter? Shouldn't I walk closely with God out of love for Him and not out of other ulterior motives? why so many questions? fear of missing God's will in life? Fear of making mistakes in life? It does cripple me sometimes.. and I just have to shout out Jesus' Name and to overcome it with His Word.. with His Courage.. It is by His Grace that I am where I am this day.. I am who I am this day.. Mistakes will happen.. but I have God by my side. That is the difference. Because He is by my side, I am able to start anew again. I am able to stand tall.. with His Glow and His Joy.. with His Strength.. with His Peace.. yeahhh.. yippee...

well... here I go again....... trying something new... with His Peace.. and in His time, I will know.. truly know.. and again be awed by He who says "I am"... *wink*

who would have thought?

I wouldn't have thought of it as well but here I am, back in Malaysia at this hour, at this season.. where even myself couldn't believe that I decided to come back in the midst of things.. Yet, it seems to be really right to come back home at this time. Why so? Hmm.. Not sure as yet. Just know that it is right and that I am to obey the voice I heard few weeks ago. Go by faith? And it is not easy to go by faith, I have to admit.. It can be rather challenging and yet at the same time, it is fulfilling to be able to step out in faith and trust that the Lord God is guiding me, showing me stuff which I never see before in the past.

I know many are praying for me.. many are encouraging me.. many that are sent by God to be by my side.. to support and encourage.. God knows exactly what I need. He knows the very core of my heart.. He knows the very fears that I have even as I take that step of faith.. even as I choose to obey Him. What would the outcome be? I just know that it would be the best that He has for me and nothing less and highly even more that what I would expected. I have to stay focus and remain focus on the 'now'.. the 'present' and make the best out of it.. To love like I never love before.. to be real with my loved ones and friends.. to be who my dear Lord wants me to be.. *grin*

Adventure has begun years back.. and it has become more and more interesting and exciting these days.. so much uncertainties.. and it requires so much trust in Him.. sole Trust in Him and no one else! Admittedly, fears do loom over me sometimes but He is teaching me to know how to look at the fears and to deal with them.. to overcome them.. it takes time.. it takes practice.. it takes building of courage.. and that courage comes from Him, the Almighty God. *wink*

Making choices..

which is right? which is wrong? which is good? which is bad? How do we really know? hmm.. is this a trick question now? hmm.. I don't think it is.. but I think it would be something that will constantly pop up here and there.. even more so when it is to do with life changing choices..... challenging, isn't it? I think it is.. and sometimes, it can be pretty scary.. the "what if" comes into play.. hmm.. I wonder, .. I really do wonder.. do people think about these things as I do? or is it just me? a girl with many questions..

Yet, somehow, today.. I know something deep was happening.. something.. what was it? I couldn't get around it as yet.. still not able to have the word for it, to describe it.. but just know in the spirit.. able to discern and yet don't understand.. strange but it is true..

God in His own timing and providence would make it clear.. or the other way is that as I choose to walk closer to Him, I would hear clearer.. and would see what He wants me to see.. and do what He wants me to do.. Well, I made a choice today, one that I would never think I would have made and yet I did.. Recently, I have been surprising myself alot, actually.. with the choices I made.. Interesting, I would say.. *wink*

Accomplishment?

Yesterday marked the day I submitted my masters dissertation piece... so proud of it that I took some photos.. and put them on facebook!.. Never thought I would do a Masters, and yet here I am.. It actually does feel good when I went to collect it yesterday and carried it around in the university before submitting it... And now, at this wee hour (I went to bed like.. 930pm.. hehe..), as I scribble along and away.. a thought that comes to my mind is.. "so, what's next?" A question which family and friends have been asking me alot the past weeks and I think even more for the coming weeks.. A question which I am asking myself too... hmm..

I suppose the next sensible and logical thing to do would be to update my CV and start applying for jobs.. just start somewhere, I guess.. and then the path would become clearer.. Read a recent devotion from Nehemiah Notes that wrote about being in the motion.. meaning, to be active in doing something... and the writer wrote that "sometimes any action is better than none".. I really thought that this devotion reading came very timely for me at this juncture of my life.. God always has His ways of communicating.. *grin*

At the same time.. looking at the possibilities of getting my work published in a journal.. as suggested by my lecturer.. I do wonder.. would it be good enough to be published? This is a classic example where others have more confidence in my work than me.. oops.. Maybe God is teaching me something here, even as I reflect and look at my line of thoughts.. hmm.. well... still reflecting.... hehe..

You know what.. I think I will just do the obvious bits to my best and leave the rest to God because He is my provider.. and He knows what is best for me.. and where I am to go and what I am to do in the days to come.. *wink*..

Photos from Mid march to Mid April 2009..

yup..... here comes all the photos...... :D.. from the latest to the earliest... click on the blue phrases to go to the various albums.... :D

The House!..

Easter Day 13.04.09

First Easter Card and Gift :)
Easter Sunrise Service 12.04.09

SEEDs football-freebie dayout n dinner 21.03.09