Breakthrough...

I am so glad that I managed through a wedding dinner yesterday. First wedding dinner that I attended since the break-up.. Earlier on, I thought I would not attend any weddings for at least one year. Afraid that I am not able to manage all the emotions-la.. But Thank God that He gave me much courage to attend this wedding dinner of church friends.

The wedding was interesting.. The bridegroom and bride are really unique in their own special ways... they danced into the hall... hehe.. and just love their montages and video clips.. so innovative and fun.. :)

And I am also thankful for friends to be by my side, giving me support as I sat through the dinner.. A friend taught me the importance of having such support when going for wedding ceremonies and dinners after break-up.. Thanks Friends.. you know who you are la.. *hugz*...

And I also got a hug from another friend during the dinner.. hehe.. and a prezzie too, all the way from US.. so cool.. she remembered that I love to write.. :) "thanks dear.. I think you will read this post, hehehe.. oh ya, sorry for not sitting next to you.. need to sit in between of two friends last night.. Me still very much testing emotion condition.. hehehe.. but really thanks for the hug and the gift.. :D"

Of course, there were thoughts flashing in the mind which I cannot deny.. especially when I saw the montage of the proposal.. Mm.. memories of myself being proposed to eventhough now, it has became the past. Well, now the heart doesn't ache that much though still abit sore.. Guess memories would still be there.. But I am believing that God has a better proposal for me in the days to come.. hehehe..

Well.. this weekend has been real good for me... Discovered much things of myself at Elijah House.. and seeing much revelations with clarity... Just awed by God's timing and His Love.. Prayer of His assurance and comfort just amazed me out of my sock (so to speak).. hehehe.. I am thankful to Him.. truly am.. :D I think I can't stop saying this.. but God's love just amazes me.. And my family especially my parents' love amazes me too... Friends' love also amazes me... truly amazing to see the ministry of Body of Christ at work too...

Thank You Lord for Your Timing and Your Ways and Your Thoughts. I pray I will be obedient to You.. Teach me to be obedient to You all my life.. Your Grace is truly sufficient for me...

Who is to judge?

Think this question does run through our minds alot especially when we felt being treated unfairly. Mm.. I just thought I want to write about this.. but before I scribble away as the thoughts come, would like to include the following verse from the bible.. where Jesus were saying in Matthew 7:1-2 that "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

So who is to judge?

Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 4: 3-5 says, "I care very little if I am judged by you or by any human court; indeed, I do not even judge myself. My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God."

The Word of God is very clear on this.. but how much have the truth settled in my heart with regards to this? especially during times and situations where someone has wronged me. It is truly difficult and unthink of but yet this is the Word of God wo.. The Word of God says to judge nothing, and to wait till the Lord comes. Basically it means giving no room for any circumstances.. It is like saying, in ALL circumstances, judge nothing and no-one and wait till the Lord comes. Wow-ee.. that is tough... How to do that? Lord, have mercy on me..

Leaving you with something to reflect about........ and I will continue in my next post on how to do what the Word of God says to do that is to JUDGE NOTHING.. Just a little tip that I have learnt personally.. which I find it to be very helpful for myself as I manage thoughts and feelings in times of unfairness..

Pride stripped away.....

When pride being strippped away, it can be very scary.. that was what I felt... It is like the feeling of something we are so so used to being taken away. However, the beautiful thing is that when pride being stripped away, then, can truly experience the Grace of God to the full measure.. I wasn't "naked" because God wraps me with His grace and peace... So, the real question is do we truly trust Him to be vulnerable? Do I truly trust Him?

Do I understand what it means to be stripped away of pride? Not its entirety when I think deeper of it or rather just a little glimpse but I just wanna share my personal experience of it.. which I felt was "huge" for me at this juncture of my life. I need to qualify that it may seem enormous or huge for me but not necessary so for another person. Anyway, this is my experience.. and I am not here to compare notes la.. hehehe.. Of course, at the end of it, Jesus' experience is the one that we need to look at... Me ah.. still very very much a sinner la... It is by His Grace that I am saved... because He first loves me and He loves me so much.. for it is clear in John 3:16 that says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

Anyway, much of this stripping of pride recently was when I have to come to God with nothing.. except with buckets full of tears and agony and brokenness. How to write about such feelings? No words could actually explain or describe these feelings... Only the Lord would truly understand how I actually felt... No one else would be able to eventhough some said that they do... Do they? Mm.. I didn't ask them further la but anyway, it doesn't matter whether they do or not. Coz for me, what mattered the most was that God understood and He graciously carried me and held me so close to Him when I most needed it. He sent the right people with the right words.. with timely hugs and comfort.. He sent the right emails of devotions to be read.. etc .. etc... All that I needed, He provided...

The bible clearly and many times said that pride can lead a person to his/her own fall. God's Word talks so much about "pride" and what it can do to a person.. the destruction effect it can have. Pride can actually stop us from receiving the many blessings that the Lord longs to give.

Proverbs 16:18 says,

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall."

Now, looking back, I am glad that I didn't run away and didn't shut down eventhough my whole being kept pushing for that negative yet "natural" responses. I wanted to so very badly. It was easier at that spur moment to response such ways. I wanted to just pack up my bags and go into hiding which I could have easily done so yet there were wars within me, fighting to and fro about this. I am glad that the Spirit man within me is strong enough to stand firm in the Lord, trusting that God knows what was happening. I am thankful that pride was overcame so that I could go to the nine intercessors and seek they prayers.. seek their intercession... and for some of them, seek their counsels.

Being in the leadership as a cell leader and usher leader actually helped alot, to my surprise. There were so many countless times when I felt like shutting down and disappearing from the face of everyone, I was reminded that there are many people under my leadership who would be stumbled if I were to respond negatively. How would I answer Jesus when I see Him face to face next time? The Lord was teaching me to look beyond myself and to look outwardly. It was tough but it was the Lord's courage and strength that sustained me.

I was just sharing recently that this experience (to me) is like 10 times magnified in terms of so much feelings and so much other things mixed together, just beyond my mind and comprehension. Yet the Lord's mercy is upon me. He knows what I could take and bear. He trusts me enough to allow me to go through this tough experience.. Just like the story of Job in the bible.. of how God allowed things to happen to Job.. But, of course, I have made many mistakes along the way too.. Pride had gotten in the way since the early days of the relationship... Mm.. the pride that I have is nothing great to shout about and nothing to be proud of, honestly but I recognise that it is there instead of living in denial.. *saying it very quietly*.... But, I am glad tat this time round, I had God's courage to be vulnerable.. "Ahhh... Just forget about pride-la..." I came to a point where I knew I have to be honest with God and the Godly counsellors that God has placed in my life.

Additionally on another note, because we live in a community, many people may say many things out of good intentions without realising that it can be hurting... Just like the friends of Job... I have been warned about these.. and learnt and still learning to forgive them if I encounter any. Also to learn that as long as I walk closely with God, my security is in Him and I can walk with confidence in Him. I know who I am in the Lord. That matters the most, at the end of the day.. Nothing else actually matters...

Why am I writing about this tonight where I am actually making myself vulnerable? Mmm.. I felt right to write about it.. because I know there are many out there who are hurting and alone.. with no one to go to.. Perhaps by reading what I have written would comfort them a little and to let them know that they are not alone.. I am praying that God would continuously be teaching me to write from my heart. and also, praying that many would be ministered to through this way... Life experiences are meant to be shared so that others would learn and not fall into the same trap.. As to how this would be made known to people, well, I leave that to God to lead and guide... :)

Well.. just want to end by saying that lets not allow PRIDE to cripple us in any way that hinders us from moving to the next level and the next level as where God wants us to move.... That is my prayer... even for myself. The need to be alert and on guard at all times... I am learning even as I reflect and write... Life is a continuous learning journey... Good night...

"The Promised Land", here I come....

Hehe... if everything goes well and according to plan, this will be an exciting trip.. an eye opener... I am looking forward to that.. most definitely.. Where am I going ah? it will be revealed in due time... hehehe..

I am going crazy.. no la.. just feeling tired today. And I can't go home as yet.. Have to go to Church later for a briefing for ushering this weekend.. mm.. I am hoping that it will be a quick one so that I can go home and zzzz... hehe..

Well.. time to go off la... *yawn*....... till I write again..

Time waits for no man...

Yup.. truly time flies.. it waits for no man/woman... It is already Thursday now.. geez.. and tomorrow Friday..

And It would be March 2008 this coming Saturday. Can you beat that? Mm.. Guess, time flies when good things are happening.. hehe.. coz I remember that just in the recent January, I thought to myself, "man, it is hard to pass each day..." Now, looking back, it is to my amazement how I managed those darkest times.. I am glad that it is all over now. Having said that, am truly glad that Jesus is my light in the darkest times... Think He really carried me through it..

Looks like I never will understand in greater depth but as I think of it, I am getting more and more thankful each time I reflect back. Thankful for so many people and so many things.. Thankful to God that I am who I am because of Him. He is my wonderful Maker and Creator.. He knows every part and every being of me.. And He knows the best for me..

As King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8.....

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Very true... there is a time for everything.. a season... I just love to reflect and dream of... and since last Sunday, it is just awesome to be able to enjoy it even more.. Don't know how to explain but I know deep down that something is different.. amazingly different.. and I just love the divine change.. just love the freedom in God even more.. Looking forward to more discoveries of myself even as I wait upon the Lord.. Many a times, we don't really know ourselves that well, actually.. I am asking God to reveal and where there are areas not right, to convict and rebuke "gently".. Me fragile la.. so, asking God to be gentle with me wo.. hehehe... I know He will coz He loves me.. *smile*...

It is in His time.... leaving here with this song.... a song that has always spoken to me from young...

How Great is Our God.... by Chris Tomlin..

This is one of my favorites... :D

Initiation.... Who?

"Father... Father... the next man that You bring to my path, please let it be the man that will take me home as his wife."

A dear friend of mine made the above statement (mm.. I can't remember the exact words but it is something like that...) when we were chatting away in our girlie talks... Mm.. as I plan to scribble some things, this phrase came to mind.. I am thinking, wow.. think this is the prayer of many single girls out there... especially for those who have been waiting and waiting... well, this also applies for single guys out there.. but in a reverse manner, of course.. it probably be something like this... "Father.. Father... the next woman that You bring to my path, please let it be the woman that I could take home as my wife."

And even as I scribble away, thoughts about the bible story of Isaac and Rebekah came to mind... Genesis chapter 24... A very interesting story of how Rebekah was found... Something to ponder and think about, ladies and gentlemen..... The bible didn't say that Isaac was found.. It was Rebekah that was found... mm...... but I am sure Rebekah has been praying and waiting... Any thoughts about this?..

Election... govt bashing??

Guess this is the Topic for times like this.. coz election is just round the corner.. next Saturday.. (8th March 2008).. well, last night in cg, we were heavily talking about election.. the government... and also asking the question.. how do we, as Christians be good citizens? There were comments that Christians are the first to run off.. as in migration and all.. Mm.. sad but looks like there are truths to that.. So, how should we response that is pleasing to God?

Few verses that we read in CG last night.. I believe that will give us some real insights if only we pause long enough to reflect upon them and seek God for wisdom and understanding..

Romans 13: 1-7

Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you. For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience. This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing. Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

1 Timothy 2: 1-2

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

Titus 3: 1-2

Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men.

Jeremiah 29: 7

Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.

Slander no one, the bible says... to be peaceable.... Wow, if really think about it, think all of us including myself are guilty for slandering.. Not saying that we are to submit blindly to the authorities.. but we need to do our part as citizens... What are we really doing? I have to honestly examine my heart.. and ask for God's mercy.. mm....

Satisfaction... *ahhhh*

Just bought some clothings for myself at good prices during lunch time.. and then had a super quick lunch. Didn't manage to get shoes though but it is alright. I am happy with my purchase today. Am proud of myself. Well, for a girl who hardly buys clothes, this is considered an achievement. Of course, with the much help of my colleague..

Really breathing again..... I am still enjoying the song sang by Juwita S. It touched my heart this morning. :)

Ok.. over and out.. let me go and listen to the song once again.. heheh.....

Breathe Again... by Juwita Suwito..

I heard this song this morning.. It really reflects what I am feeling... mmm... learning to breathe again..... hehe..

Only in the dark by Juwita Suwito...

Blur Blur...

This is humorous... Last night, Mei Fong and I all geared up to go to the cineplex.. to watch "FLOOD"... When we reached there, we were looking high and low for the redemption counter.. Very strange, how come don't have... The people were late?? Both of us were finding this very strange. Mei Fong decided to look at her phone to search for the info on web to reconfirm stuff.... yupp.. 25th Feb 2008, 730pm to 9pm to redeem tickets... looks alright...

Anyway, we decided to go for dinner first... and then go back to the cinema.. Maybe they would be there then. After dinner, we went back and asked different ones but no one seem to know... mmm.. so very the strange...

Then, it dawned on me something.. "er.. Mei Fong, you said the date is?"

She replied, "25th Feb..."... I sheepishly paused and said.."er.. think today is 26th la... Monday was 25th Feb..." We looked at each other.. and well... no movie for us lor.. Oh well, perhaps catch it when it is out in the cinema time.. We so blur blur lor... hehehe...

But guess God has other plans for us... We went around for a while looking at clothes abit.. In the midst of it, I bought something nice.. *wink*... and then we headed back home... was staying over at friends' place.. We had a great chat and prayers together..If there we watched movie, we wouldn't have time for these chats and prayers. Amazing when things were shared and all, I have some new thoughts and new discoveries... mmm...... It came with clarity this morning when I woke up.. and I asked God, "Lord, what do You want me to do? How am I to respond?"... I could hear that He asked me to pray and to intercede... Mmm.. Truly, as Romans 8:28 says... in all things God works for the good of those who love him.....

Yup.. I shall continue to pray and intercede.... The Lord knows what He is doing.. and if He asks me to pray, I will pray....

Have Your Way.... O Lord...

I am singing this song to the Lord.... *closing my eyes.. feeling Jesus' touch*

Who Am I?

Finally.. the song that I wanted to share earlier on, I am able to put it here.. :D enjoy...

Here we are...

This is a lovely song...

Highly Recommended..

Just had a great "nasi lemak" nearby my office in Damansara Perdana.. It is at this shop called "Hailam kopitiam"... I thoroughly enjoyed it. The chicken redang is nice though abit oily, sambal also great and just love the ikan bilis.. The rice is great too.. If anyone love nasi lemak, they should give this a try.. :) hehe.. I am promoting for them without commision though.. Mm..

Thereafter, my colleague and I went to Cat Whiskers for they have SALE there.. and we found out to our gladness that the sale is up to 50% for shoes and skirts and 30% for the rest of the items.. mm.. pretty tempting eh.. Well, we are goin back there tomorrow again. I hope to get a pair of shoes (if they have my size la...) and maybe a nice top or something.. or a nice skirt.. 50% is considered a good bargain.. and I kinda like their shoes design.. Only if they have my size... hoping-la..

Wait.. wait.... before you develop any ideas about me.. Don't get me wrong, me no shopping freak.. or shopper-holic.. Friends who know me, know that I super bad at shopping.. it is an "once a year" kinda affair for me. Some girl friends of mine commented that my shopping habit is rather similar to a man's but of course, I have the nick for things like stationery, soft toys and books!.. Thank God I stopped having such compulsion to buy stationery and soft toys. However, still got such "compulsion" for books.. hehe... don't ever put me in a bookstore especially christian bookstore. I would definitely come out with a book or more books... It is a joy wo.. How? Anyway, this time round, just thought of needing to get some wearable stuff which I have been wanting to get.. and what a best time to get them than on SALE time.. can save... to get a book?? heheh..

And... also looking forward to tonight to watch this movie titled "FLOOD".. Mei Fong won two tickets and she is so very kind to invite me to join her. "Thanks, girl".. This is my first time ever to get to watch a movie before screening in the cinema.. what a treat.. :D I saw the thriller of this movie, it looks good.. Well, it is action-packed... with all the "thrill".. I like that kind of movie..

Okie then.. better do some serious work while I wait with anticipation for this evening... *grinning from left to right*.. ta...

Spiritual Soulmates..

Mm.. This is an interesting topic.. spiritual soulmates.. have the kindred spirit.. I really like that.. and have always been praying that I would be able to meet friends like that.. you know, somehow, just connected.. Like within me and within the other person, there is that leap of joy..

This morning, as I was reading the daily devotion from the Vine, they were talking about this.. So, I just want to share it here in the blog.. I recognise the importance and the blessings because I have experienced that many times in my life.. God has blessed me much in this area.. Thanks Friends.. you know who you are... hehe..

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Spiritual Soulmates
The baby leaped in her womb.
Luke 1:41 NIV

After telling the Virgin Mary, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you," the Angel of the Lord announces, "Elizabeth your relative is going to have a child in her old age… For nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:35-37 NIV). Next we read, "Mary got ready and hurried… she entered Zechariah's home and greeted Elizabeth. When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit. In a loud voice she exclaimed: 'Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the child you will bear!… As soon as the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished'" (Luke 1:39-45 NIV).

What a story! When Mary greeted Elizabeth, the child of destiny within her (John the Baptist) leaped for joy. Every Mary needs an Elizabeth - and vice versa! Notice: when Mary heard what God had done in Elizabeth's life she "got ready and hurried" (Luke 1:39 NIV) to meet her. She also "stayed with Elizabeth for about three months" (Luke 1:56 NIV).

When God introduces you to someone who's been touched by His Spirit and carries within them the same vision you do, reach out to them, treasure them and spend time with them. They are Spiritual soulmates! The connection between these two women didn't take place because they were cousins. The truth is, sometimes our own families are the first to criticise and the last to understand us. "How will I recognise a Spiritual soulmate?" you ask. When you're around them something within you will leap for joy, and you will be "filled with the Holy Spirit".
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I pray that all of us will be blessed with many spiritual soulmates... to share, to love and to be there for one another.. I also recognised that it is even more vital for husband and wife that they are spiritual soulmates.. Well, I am praying and waiting in the Lord.. *wink*... God has His ways and His ways are higher than ours... And He always wants to bless us. At times when we think God is not blessing us, well, honestly speaking, it is when we have decided not to hear what He is saying. Not so much of Him not blessing us. His blessings are still there but because of disobedience on our own part, we couldn't receive His blessings.

I am saying that for myself as I recognise the many times when things didn't turn out well, I have said loudly, "God, why You don't bless me??" without realising that I have disobeyed Him and God has to over and over again in His stilled small voice, convict my heart. Then, I would be like... "O.."; feeling embarassed for my actions and words.. Asking for His forgiveness... Amazing thing is that everytime, God would wrap His arms around me, smiling at me, saying "it is ok. You are learning. Learn from it and move on."

I thank God that He never gives up on me and still pursuing my heart. He is the Awesome God... :D Getting to know Him and His heart continues to just make me feel so awed... so touched... and even more curious to want to know Him deeper..

Pizzas..

Hehe.. ya.. Had pizzas for dinner today.. Yummy but very full lor.. :D and now I am sleepy.. eventhough it is just 945pm.. Getting very used to sleeping early these days. Guess it is a good habit to cultivate.. oh dear, I yawn so many times already. Really need to retire to bed soon.

Oh yes.. the pizzas are from Marco's Pizza at Kelana Jaya (opposite Kelana Jaya LRT station). I bought one big pizza and gotten one regular free. Had them with my bro and sister in law. For those who haven't tried, should try them. :) Of course, there are other pizza restaurants that have excellent pizzas.. Pizzas are my thing.. well, one of my fav'rite food..

Why talk about pizza? mm.. don't know wo.. Just felt like talking about food tonight.. and this is rare coz I don't usually talk about food. Not really a food person but am learning. Hoping to pick up the habit of cooking. Wonder when would I start with that? hehehe.. We shall see.. And when that time comes, would need some volunteers to be testers.. hehhe.. wonder who would volunteer..

Okla.. better not talk about food.. otherwise cannot sleep at night.. dreaming of food pulak.. wow.. another big yawn.. don't think I can write anymore.. sleepy already. If I continue on, my writing would probably won't make any sense.. K, good night friends.... *Vivien's eyes half open.... *

Ever wonder anyone read your blog?? Mm...

Hehehe.. I have this question in my mind for sometime.. So, I thought, well.. Just write a post on it then.. Well, I believe that friends who want to know updates of me would read my blog lor.. :) unless there are friends who don't like to read or too busy to read la.. which I also have a handful of them...

But writing blog really frees my mind to have even more thoughts.. wow.. tat was an interesting discovery for myself. Friends also asked me to write some articles for my church's magazine (Floodgates). Mm.. Something to think about and pray about but for now, just want to blog.. :D

This morning when I woke up, I was telling God that I felt like having some hugs.. And guess what, to my pleasant surprise, one of my colleagues in office gave me exactly what I requested from God. Amazing how God met my needs at moments when I least expected. :) I think my colleague would be pleased to read this post.. heheh.. "Thanks dear for that surprise hug!"...

I somewhat feel very light from the morning till now.. just resting in the Lord's arms.. So strange for some of my readers to read this but yet it is really what I am feeling. The lightness and the knowing that I am so loved by God and so many people just amazes me all over again.

Yesterday, I was manning the booth for my church's Mission Conference and I saw so many friends whom I hardly see.. It was good to see them.. and I was wonderful blessed with their comments of my new outlook.. (well, the hairdo is not so new anymore but it still has its effects)... *laugh*.. statements like "u look dashing"; "u look gorgeous"; "your hair is really nice"; "you look fun"; thumbs up signs.... they were doing good to me.. (honestly..) hehe.. GOD IS GOOD!.. ALL THE TIME.... He takes care of every need...

mm.. my mind wondering away, dreaming of ..... hehe.. much things.. but am still wonderfully awed by His LOVE... and POWER....

Friends, Love you all.... *hugz*...

Further insights.. of "U turns and yet on time.."

mm.. just felt right to update and enhance my earlier post on the "U-turn and yet on time"... So, do check it out in the following link... (see the paragraphes that are in Purple)... The Lord has given even a clearer insights recently when I related it to a friend.. Just amazing how clear it has become... So, I wanna write more about it... :)

http://seasons-of-lives.blogspot.com/2008/02/u-turns.html

Be blessed as I was blessed when I wrote it...