Politics..

Just want to write my "two-cents" worth thought on this topic.. Though I have not much to write about it.

Well, one thing good is that I have finally gotten myself registered as a voter. The last round, gotten lecture from friends for not exercising my rights. So, here I am.. all ready to vote but... er.. who to vote for ah? Guiltily, I am so indifferent about politics and elections that I never really take any initiative to know. Call myself a citizen.. sigh..

However, the last round, I nearly became a poll agent.. Yeah.. A friend from church invited me to visit the DAP office and I tagged along, just wanting to see what is going on. An eye opener for me.. but the shy thing was I couldn't vote that time because not registered.. So shy.. Anyway, as for the polling agent, on the DAY, I went to the school that I am supposed to go to but unfortunately, instructions weren't that clear and I couldn't be able to contact anyone.. So, I ended up not doing anything.. sigh..

Oh well.. this time round would be different as I will be going back to Sitiawan to cast my vote for my very first time.. hehehe...

Also, praying that God would help me to change my attitude of "indiference" towards this whole area so that I could have the passion to pray and to intercede for the nation.. That is a start.... :)

Sheep...

ya.. I was talking about us being called His sheep... Why "Sheep"? Do you ever wonder why? I got to know one of the meanings of "sheep" not too long ago from one of the Christian seminars that I went to. It goes something like this, "A weak, bashful, silly fellow." (I just found this in the internet to reconfirm what I have heard...) What is your response when you first read this?

You know what was mine when I first got to know of it? I was like... "Oh!"... "Mmm.." and later on, few minutes later, I thought, it does make sense.. Whether we admit it or not, we are like sheep... Well, I better not say "we".. I would say.. "I".. I am like a sheep or rather I am a sheep because I am weak, bashful (bashful means Abashed; daunted; dismayed), silly fellow.

But; the good news is that where there are sheep, there is always a shepherd. So, likewise, for me, for you and for us, we have Jesus Christ, our Great Shepherd. Shepherd's roles are just wonderful... to guard, herd, lead or drive... Shepherd loves his sheep very much and will go all out to protect the sheep.

Psalm 100:3 says.... "Know that the LORD IS GOD. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the SHEEP of His pasture."

I also have this postcard-like picture of a sheep with the above verse on it.. Wait till I scan it and upload it... If I can la.. no promises though.. hehehe..

So.. we are not meant to be "smart" after all.... *wink*.. but of course, God has granted us wisdom and discernment to decide and choose. Because He loves us so much that He allows us to choose.. But He still leads... coz we need Him. That is the Father's Love for His people. Thank You Lord.

k.... work time......

Clear Sense of Purpose...

Ha.. I am back so soon.. Ya.. coz I really want to share on this daily devotion that I read this morning from the Vine... Amazing stuff here..

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Building Strong Character (2)

God determined... the way to bring out His best in us. 1 Corinthians 2:7

Building strong character requires having a clear sense of purpose. Paul writes: "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord… [for] appointing me to His service" (1 Timothy 1:12NIV).

So, what do you see as your life's purpose? You have only two options: (a) Speculation. Dr Hugh Moorhead, a philosophy professor at North Western Illinois University, wrote to 250 of the best known philosophers, scientists, writers and intellectuals, asking them, "What is the meaning of life?" He then published their responses in a book. Some offered their best guesses, some admitted that they had just made up a purpose for life, and others were honest enough to say they were clueless. In fact, a number of famous intellectuals asked Professor Moorhead to write back and tell them if he discovered the purpose of life! Fortunately, there is an alternative to speculation about the meaning and purpose of life.

(b) Revelation. We can turn to what God has revealed about life in His Word. It is our Owner's Manual explaining why we are alive, how life works, what to avoid, and what to expect in the future. It explains what no self-help or philosophy book could know. The Bible says, "God's wisdom… goes deep into the interior of his purposes… It's not the latest message, but more like the oldest - what God determined as the way to bring out his best in us" (1 Corinthians 2:7 TM). God is not just the starting point of your life, He is the source of it. To discover His purpose for your life you must turn to God's Word, not the world's wisdom. You must build your life on eternal truths, not "pop psychology", success, motivation, or inspirational stories.

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Guess talking about purpose of life again.. We are all searching for that whether we like it or not. There is that deep down desire to want to have that sense of purpose in life. Ask anyone and you will catch that "longing" somewhere along their lines of thoughts and words. My prayer is that I would do my little part as the Lord leads; to walk alongside with few or many. In the earlier years, I have this thought saying, "Vivien, who are you to be able to make any impact?" But the Lord told me this, "It is not the quantity. It is the heart of wanting to impact. When you have the heart, I will do the rest. Just trust My Guiding." The Lord also said, even if it is just one life that I can touch and encourage, it is good enough because we are all given different purpose of life and He handles the details. So, let Him worry about the details.. We just need to trust Him and walk where He leads.. Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path." His Word is a lamp to our feet and a light for our path.. Isn't that comforting and assuring? I always like this verse...

In that sense, there is no striving and there is no need to have that sense of "I must do this", "I must do that" and be so caught up with it.. We always love to plan. Well, I am in particularly "guilty" as charged for that throughout my life even till now. But time after time, again and again, the Lord patiently says to me in His Word... (mm.. let His Word speaks to you here...)

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

God never gives up on me and He definitely would not give up on you too! Anyway, there are many more verses that talks about "planning"... But the above three are my favorites and they have been my reminders.. Each season of life that I go through, God will bring different lights to the meaning of these verses to me.. I would be like, "WOW".. and "ok, God.. " Ya.. so, as the Lord leads, we follow... "End Result" is His Thing... We be obedient and follow.. and that is why we are called His sheep.. ever wonder why we are called "sheep"?

Well, leaving you with some thoughts to think about... as I get ready for work... hehe..

It's 5:48am.....

Hi all... Yup.. that's the time.. Actually, I woke up at 5:30am this morning.. Really wide awake, with clear mind and the first thing that came to mind is to blog. hahaha.. Oooh.. hope it doesn't turn into addiction or something. Guess, I was really encouraged after receiving an email from one of my friends in Singapore last night. Doris, hope you don't mind me sharing one part of your email here... It just further encourages me to want to write even more.... Here is what she has written...

"Thanks Vivien for sharing from your heart. I enjoyed reading your blog and was greatly blessed and inspired. You ministered to me as you shared personally your walk with the LORD. You have the gift of edifying and encouraging others through your writing. So continue to write and build up the body of CHRIST for in imparting HIS Word you are establishing others in the faith (thus fulfilling GOD's vision for your life). Your prayer to GOD (in such a creative way using your name) reflects your heart's desire to live for HIS glory. Praise the LORD for HIS work in and through you."

But, I think I will stick to writing postings instead of posting pictures. Posting one or two pictures is fine but not a whole bunch of them coz I am still finding it difficult to arrange them. Uploading them takes quite alot of time and if not careful, can actually spend hours just doing that. That's what happened last night and at the end, I couldn't do it. The page kept hanging and I have to close it and start all over again. *scratching head*.. Well, if anyone of you have good advices on this, please do enlighten me. I am willing to hear and learn... the shortest cut way to upload and arrange pictures in the blog..

Confession time.. Last night, I also got frustrated in the midst of uploading the pictures. Frustrated till the extend that I had headaches and I wasn't being very polite to my bro when he was trying to create conversations with me. Bro, if you are reading this, I want you to know that I am sorry for that. I was being too caught up with this pictures uploading thingy.. that I neglected you. Please forgive me.

Well.. Phew.. That is that.. lets get back to... Ah.. I thank God today for a well rested sleep last night. A good solid 6 hours of sleep with no dreams. When I dream, means I am not rested lor. I have been praying and been getting friends to pray that I can be well rested at night.. It is rather scary if not able to sleep or have good rest. Talk more about that in my "Sleepless Nights" post... Hahah.. I have already thought of the Title... I have much to talk about that and hopefully, some insights or rather some quick solutions which I have used for myself on how to overcome that. I am still learning because I am still struggling with it. Guess it does takes time. Truly it is a nightmare not able to sleep eventhough you are tired and really in need to sleep.

Even as I type, I already have two more Titles popping in my mind.. My mind is working faster than my hands typing.. Ever have that before? Mm... *Closing eyes...*

CG Pre-Chap Goh Mei dinner...

As promised... some photos... Firstly... the drinks I made.. :D









Then, we had yee-sang... And this is the first time I did this for this CNY...



The rest of the photos.. er can view at facebook... click on the word "facebook" that is highlighted in RED to go to the link... coz *sigh* I find it very hard to upload the pictures in the blog... can't seem to succeed to do them well.. It takes practice, I think.. and I also need to sleep soon.. heheh.. Sleeping Beauty need to have her beauty sleep already... hehehe... cherios.....

Clean Up..

This phrase caught my attention when I watched one of those "Barney" shows together with my little nephew (Joshua). He just loves Barney shows. Joshua is my very first nephew (son of my one and only brother and sis in law) and I love him dearly. Somehow, it is just different when you know that this is your little nephew. I grow very much attached to him eventhough he can be quite naughty at times. But I know he respects me. In his little ways, he shows that he loves me. How do I know? Ah.. that is the beauty of GOd's power..

I was back home in Sitiawan early this year when I knew I just have to go back for a long break. So, decided to take a week off and go home. Somehow, home is still THE PLACE that you feel safe. While I was home, my little nephew grew attached to me too.. At times, he followed my actions.. for example, when I put a pillow behind my back and took up the blankie, he did the same as well. And he did it with a big smile on his face as in he has accomplished something successfully. And he is only two years two months old then.

And one day during that week, he profusely said "I love you... I love you, da-ku".. (Yup, he calls me "da-ku".. it means big aunty) My mom told me that he has never said it before to anyone and he said that to me. I knew deep down that God knew I needed to hear that and He sent my little nephew to do the task. Isn't God amazing? And Joshua would give me hugs from time to time.. It was an amazing week back home.. If only it could last forever but I have to face life as it comes by going out to PJ. But I am thankful for that week where I could rest and be more ready (in that sense) to face what is to come.

Ha.. I am suppose to talk about clean up but I ended up blogging about my little nephew.. Here are some photos of him..... Isn't he adorable?

This is me with my nephew..... can't see his full face though...

Look... this is my nephew.... :D

Goal of a Christian Life

Hi.. Received the following daily devotion from someone in Singapore writing about the goal of a Christian Life which I thought is mind boggling and yet it is true.. Something for us to think about and seek God for revelation and deeper reaffirmation in our hearts. The one phrase that caught my attention in the devotion was...

"Let death work in you a life that only God can raise up."

Wow.. what do you say of that? Isn't that radical? but Jesus said it Himself in Matthew 10:39 that "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

"Paradox".. the author called it.. what is Paradox? Let me find out in the dictionary.. Oxford Dictionary says that Paradox means "seemingly absurd or self-contradictory statement or proposition that may in fact be true."

Read on.... and be challenged in your mind... :)

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Daily Manna

February 21, 2008

The Goal of the Christian Life
By Os Hillman

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.
John 12:24

The goal of the Christian life is death, not success. A popular teaching says that if we follow God, we will prosper materially. God may, in fact, bless His people materially, but few can make this claim among third-world countries. Wealth must never be the goal of a person's life, only a by-product.

A missionary to a Middle-Eastern country has shared a motto among their ministry team: "God does not require success, but radical, immediate obedience." Jesus' obedience gained Him the cross. It did not gain Him popularity among the heathen, the religious or financial success, or a life of pleasure. His obedience resulted in His death on the cross. This is the same goal Christ has for each of us-death of our old nature so that He might live through us. That may not sell well among outcome-based Christian businesspeople, but it will result in an eternal reward that far exceeds any earthly reward. "Behold, I am coming soon! My reward is with Me, and I will give to everyone according to what he has done" (Rev. 22:12).

The Christian life is a paradox-the first will be last, death in return for life, and we are encouraged to offer praise to God to overcome a spirit of heaviness. It requires faith in a God who operates from a different set of values that are sometimes difficult to measure from human standards. Let death work in you a life that only God can raise up.

Matthew 10:39
Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Proverbs 21: 21
He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor.

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A little of this and a little of that..

Yup.. as the Title stated, gonna write a little of this and a little of that.. Lunch hour left 15 minutes for me to write something. So, I shall blog about things that comes to mind, not entirely of it but glimpses lor. Wonder do I make sense? Mm..

Well.. my lemon-lime-drink was a success last night.. Yippee.. Photos of it later when I upload the photos from the camera. Or is it download? hehe.. I confused. Don't know which is which. Mm.. nevermind, so as long I could share the photos later on.

Last night, slept a little late due to CG ended at 11 plus.. but good thing was I decided to stay overnight at my pastor's home which is right opposite my cg member's house where the CG meet is held weekly. Of course, my pastor and wife are so very kind to open their house to house me once a week till... hehe.. till "I also don't know when".

Of course, again, many thoughts flowing into my mind.. some, not so nice thoughts which I have learnt to continuously putting them at the foot of the Cross every time it comes. Thanks to my spiritual godmom who taught me that. Something which stayed in my mind and now, I am able to apply it. Thanks, godmom. *Hugz*..

Sigh.. reality is that feelings can also come flushing in at the spur moment when something was being said by others. I am thankful that I could share that with my Nine intercessors by smsing them. One of them said that when I shared, it is the road to healing. mm.. How comforting it is to know that. If only things are easier to go through but then again, if it is easier, I wouldn't have learnt as much or I wouldn't have known the Grace of God as much. Irony, isn't it?

Well.. the Love of God surpasses all.. How deep do I really know that in my heart? Is this a test of my heart for the Lord? A test of Faith in Him? mm.. ya.. today, filled with much questions once again.. so, I just asked them here.. Only Lord Jesus can answer them. Timingly, today's daily devotion I received from the Vine quoted the following verse where Jesus said...

"If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself" (Matthew 16:24).

Man.. that is tough, if you really ponder deeper of what Jesus was saying.. All I could say is "Lord, only by Thy Grace and Mercy.. Please please help me..."

A very short one....

Today, I am late and late..

Literally freaked out when I couldn't find my camera this morning but Thank God, I found it.. I didn't bring it back.. So forgetful ya.. Well, better than having it dropped somewhere and not found.

Okie.. Can't write much coz I have a meeting to go to at 930am and it is working hours now too.. Will write more of whatz happened last night.. and to flash some lovely photos for viewing.. mouth-watering ones.. "honest!" Ask any of my CG members.. I am sure they would concur.. hehe..

Ok ok.. better go .. better go... till I write again during lunch time or after work tonight.. :D *hugz*...... I am blessed with many of them these days.. The more the merrier.. I am so blessed......... Thank You O Father Lord... *smile*

Why? O Why?

What an interesting question that my colleague asked me today over lunch... I have been asking that same question numerous times over the past months but I came to realisation that there is no answer.. except for this thought that "in God's time, I will know and understand and so, just need to continue trusting God, knowing that He has the best for me.." Therefore, I don't bother asking that question anymore.

Rather, I would ask God questions like "what is it that He wants me to learn?" and "how am I to make good use of it?"... which I have been asking.. and He has been graciously revealing to me things to do, to bless others and in turn I am blessed too. :) And I know there are more to come. Like Proverbs 11:25 says "... he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."

My oh my.. Was I greedy today? I had a very full lunch (curry chicken mee-hoon and a bowl of fries and "teh-si").. Finally, my appetite has came back.. Thank God for that. It is nice to be able to eat and taste good food again. Hopefully, I will gain back some weight, at the right places, of course. *wink*.. I also didn't believe myself that I actually lost five kgs over a month's time until I weighed myself during the recent CNY break. That was scary. Anyway, no worries, been feeding myself.. or rather my mom was feeding me during CNY break. She is such a dear, making sure I eat properly three meals a day eventhough I didn't feel like eating. Anyway, shall talk more about eating in another post.. An idea just came! but shall do that when I got more time to ponder and write.

Ok la.. better be going. Work!...

Friends...

Good morning.. :) Thought would want to blog something before I start work.. I am getting the hang of this already. Hope to improve more..

The last post, I talked about the seminar that I went to? Well.. God is so good that He blessed me with new friends.. in particularly this three lovely ladies from Singapore (Becky, Doris and Susan).. They were my roomies during the weekend in Genting. Truly enjoyed their fellowship and laughters.. They have so much joy within them that you could see it overflowing.. God knows what I need and when I need... :) I think I will always be amazed by what He could do in lives.. in particularly, my own life..

See.. I am overwhelmed by emotions now even as I typed.. Overwhelmed by the touch of God in my life and the friends that He has brought into my life.. Different ones of them came into my life in the Lord's timing, to love me.. to shower their blessings into my life.. "Thanks friends... Love all of you lots and lots... *big hugs*... and I hope I have been a blessings in your lives too.. :)"

Wow.. that was some emotional moment.. :) but I am thankful. Truly thankful. Is there a better word to describe my feelings? mm.. Thankfulness...I shall ponder about that today as I start my work..... cya...

U-turns? and yet on Time...

As promised, here I am writing again. Just had a great dinner.. a few dishes.. There were pork, vege, fish and soup.. And I finished off with two bananas. I bought the bananas yesterday evening at a quite reasonable price.. I think. hehe..

Getting sleepy now but still need to do some boiling stuff.. ya.. boiling sugar water for the drinks for dinner tomorrow.. Haven't started yet.. I better get to do it otherwise have to wait for the water to cool off before I could put it into the fridge.. Then, how to sleep early? mm.. Ok ok.. hold on ya.. I go and boil the water..

I am back.. the water is in the process of boiling.. so.. I can write abit here..

Mm.. What am I to write? Oh yes.. am going to Elijah House Basic School One this coming 23rd Feb 2008. Looking forward to that, to learn and to be ministered to as well. I went for the Elijah House - Keys to Transformation just last month over a weekend. God has revealed much things to me, things that I don't realise about myself. It was truly the right timing for me to be there at that particular weekend. Shall write more about it in another post.

But let me share an interesting illustration that God showed me when I was driving up to Genting for the seminar. Thinking that I know the way, I didn't bother to check out or ask anyone. So, while driving to Genting, I actually drove past Genting and past Bukit Tinggi and all the way straight without knowing that I was lost until I felt something was not right here. Earlier on, there were some signs and some prompting in the heart but I chose to ignore, thinking that I know the way. I panicked and God prompted me again to call someone to clarify. I finally called. Well, it was confirmed that I wasn't taking the right road. Then, I was wondering where would the U-turn be? Lo and behold, just right before the toll to Bentong, there was the U-turn.. I took that U-turn and amazingly be able to reach the destination right on time.

God was telling me that, likewise, in life, there would be prompting of the heart and people in my life that I could go to. Be humble to listen and not decide because I think I know or I think I am right. Need to be in the midst of Godly counsels. And even when mistakes are made, it is ok to make them because He allows room for U-turns.. but of course, must ask for His Forgiveness for being so strongheaded. The wonderful thing is that God has allocated time for mistakes to take place because He knows we will make mistakes. Therefore, we will still reach the destination God wants us to reach on time, not before time nor late but on time because it is in accordance to His Perfect Timing and Perfect Will. What a beautiful illustration that I received that day.. His assurance and comfort..

The call to obedience in life. Being obedient to God's ways because His ways are higher than ours. His thoughts are higher than ours.

Saja only..

Hi hi.. like the title.. I saja post this.. I am off work now for today.. Going home soon.. My sis in law's sister cooking tonight.. :) At least, got homecooked meal lor.. If only I rajin cook la.. Don't know when will be the day when I would cook.. hehe..

Okla.. better go home.. need to get some lime and lemon on the way home.. Making drinks for CG dinner "pre-Chap-Goh-Mei"... first time making.. Hopefully it would taste good.. Just want to do something different.. :D

Till I write again.. Maybe later.... before I go to bed..

Vision of Life...

I have written the below (in purple) few years back.... still waiting and waiting to see the fulfilment of God's purpose in my life as I take one day at a time.. it is a journey.. and I guess, it is like jigsaw puzzle.. piece by piece... :)

""Praying, hoping and trying to lead a life that is.... "Full of Life"... Psalm 52:8 says... "But I am like a green olive tree in the house of God: I trust in the mercy of God for ever and ever."

Also would like to share the vision that God gives me for my life.. well, what am I focusing in life as i lead each day...... 3 words to sum it all:

• to Establish;
• to Believe; and
• to Impart.

So, what is the Vision? Here goes.....

"To establish strong foundation in God's word in order to impart His Word to His people (to build them up), believing that God's Word is the Truth and the Way of Life. The Word of God should be taken/ consumed like the vitamins we take everyday, to build us, strong and healthy."

Where does this vision take me? Honestly? well, I am still finding out myself. Each day as I take each step, the Lord gives me enough light to see the one step ahead. The Grace of God will bring me to where I need to get to and accomplish what He has for me in my life.As I journey each day, I begin to see the pieces coming together, clearer, and clearer; ... oh... you know.. like the jigsaw puzzle... Well, still journeying along the road of life, tryin different things; meeting different ones; going different places. And will always be in the journey until I meet Jesus face to face in heaven, so, still very much learning, waiting upon the Lord, trying to be obedient and willing to Him... The journey of life is tough BuT an ExCiTInG oNe to walk sometimes, to run sometimes, to be still sometimes, to crawl maybe sometimes but hopefully not too often, to be carried by our Dear Heavenly Father (*smile*) most definitely lots of times.... ""

And there is this prayer that I wrote using my NAME (I think it was three years back).... asking the Lord to teach me to....

V- ictoriously live life;

I - nstill His Word deep in my heart;

V- iew life with His perspective;

I - mpart His Word to His people;

E- ncourage others to grow in Him;

N- ourish the gifts and talents He has given me.

K- eep focusing on Lord Jesus always;

E- ndures all circumstances with perseverance and patience;

U- nderstand His perfect timing in my life.

Claiming all the promises of God in my life and also praying that He would use me in any ways that pleases Him for the extension of His Kingdom.. Pls pray with me.. The more the merrier...

A Snip Snap..

What is that? No-la.. just trying to be creative with the title.. :D Had a normal lunch, the usual as I had wantan mee.. A pretty good standard one near my office. :) Also, playing with my new toy, my new phone.. ya.. pretty cool coz now I just got bluetoothed with some new games from my colleague.. They got this game called SimPet where you adopt a pet and then you play, feed, bathe the fella and also teach the pet some tricks.. My pet's name is called Binnie.. Why Binnie? don't know. Just thought of it off hand la.. Anyway, hope I won't get addicted to this.. hehehe..

Well now.. today, things are much better.. I had a good sleep last night. Gotten my Nine intercessors to pray that I have good sleep with no funny dreams. God is good and I slept throughout till 5am.. Went to bed at 10pm.. Feel much rested and fresh today. Good sleep is good for health and the whole being and it keeps you young too. (Great tip to look young! *wink*)

I still couldn't upload that song.. argh.. patience, Vivien.. It will come about and I will know how to la..

Ok then.. I think I have something to write for the next post.. shall talk about the vision God has put in my heart many years ago.. :D

What is Life all about?

Good morning.. Ah.. been very inspired to continue to blog more this few days.. Last time, used to blog from Friendster but it was only a few posts that I have written.. Well.. I do the cut and paste rule lor.. I particular like this post that I have written on February 20th 2006... Here it is in the following.....

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20th February 2006

Just felt inspired early this morning to write this... Something spoken/ chatted over the net between a friend and I yesterday just lingered a while in this intricate mind of mine.

So, what is this life all about? Well.. my friend sent me this Lyrics which says it... It is by Casting Crown (A Christian Rock Group, I think..)

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Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Chorus:
Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,(ocean)
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in
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So, what is this life all about? Well.. Life is not about you, or me, or anyone else BUT God HIMSELF.. Truly, that is a truth of life that is subtle but yet very true... I am again reminded that I shouldn't be too caught up with life that I totally forget or miss that truth of life; that life is about GOD. It is so easy to be caught up with many things of life, be complacent with life, thinking that we are gonna be here for long long time. Sometimes, time does go by real fast. So, will we have that much time, I wonder....

Even as I write this, I am still pondering and I think I will continue to reflect upon this throughout this life given by God. I think, at the end of it all, it is only by His Grace that one day, I could truly say I have led a full life, a life that is pleasing to Him.

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Well... that is my aim... to lead a full life.... a life that is pleasing to Him... :D Only by the Grace of God..

Oh yes.. hope to attach the song for the above too.. still learning how to do that here.. mm.. let see.. here goes... :( no can do.. hopefully I could get help on how to do this.. sigh.. well.. till then..

Speak up and out....

From the recent experience, I hope to blog and write of the lessons I learnt.. Of one that is really vital is to be surrounded by prayers, intercessors praying. I had Nine of them who I could sms any time any day, to intercede and pray... You know who you are, thank you for your time and support.. and the many hugs.. :)

For this particular post, I just felt that I want to write about two lessons I learnt that really is needful for anyone who is going through emotional roller coaster rides.. be it due to relationships, financial, physical health etc.. Firstly, is the ability of being able to speak up and out.. not to every Tom, Dick or Harry.. what I mean is to be able to go to someone (it could be one or more) and to confide comfortably and be real to them, trusting God that they are able to handle the information that you are about to share and to intercede for you.

Seek the Lord's guidance to find these selected friends whom you can share freely and comfortably. I am truly blessed that God has sent so many to me and from there, I went to nine of them. In their own special ways, they have each blessed me differently at different times throughout the period of working through feelings and emotions.

For every feelings that came about, I chose to sms it out to these friends, to seek them to pray.. to be accountable of my feelings so that it would not cause me to spiral down too deeply into sadness and depression. Alot of times, it is when we think too much or dwelling too much in "not so good" thoughts that caused much confusions to mind and deception of the evil one would just be able to penetrate through and attack. When able to talk it out to selected people, it truly helps alot.. to cry, or to even be angry (the right anger meaning not sin while being angry)..... I also realised that crying is truly good as form of release of the hurts and pains.. It is when you cry, God is able to slowly heal those wounds.. Heart is soft and tender where God's touch would soothe the pain..

Also, talking to someone reliable helps to prevent the hurting heart from hardening.. It is a big "NO-NO" to harden the heart but sometimes, it is so so painful (no words are able to describe such pain) that it felt that it is a quicker way to just harden the heart and do not feel. I have learnt in my personal experience that it is ok to let the heart be painful and just cry and cry. Somehow, as I cried and cried, I could feel that strange release deep within.. Deep groaning and mourning just further stirred the heart of God to come and be by my side to heal the wound.. Now, looking back, it is just an amazing process but of course, I wouldn't choose to go through it again. Yet, since I have gone through it and still in process of more healing of the heart, I want to share it so that others would be blessed.

Two important lessons for now:

1. Be surrounded by close and reliable supporters who would pray and intercede..
2. Be willing to talk about what is going on, to reliable and trustworthy people and be accountable and be ministered to.

But of course, don't go and overwhelm yourself with the details... What had happened, you can't change it but one thing you can do is to learn from it to the maximum capacity and move on.. as an overcomer. The Lord has called all of us to be overcomers, to see beyond ourselves and see our dear Lord Jesus Christ. Tough, yes but once you trust Jesus to take that first step, it becomes way much easier after that.. Believe me.. Why? coz I am definitely speaking out of experience. *wink*....

Well... I better be off now..... Hope to write soon...... :)

"Just Wait"..

This is a poem which has always been speaking to me... and it still continues to speak to me.. the power of waiting unto the Lord Almighty... Do enjoy as I enjoy it so much each time I read it... Of course, it is never easy to wait.. never a nice feeling to feel uncertain about so many things.. but there is the power of waiting, learning to trust God that He has us in His best interest....

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Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate...
and the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why!"
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
by faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate
hangs in the balance and you tell me to wait?
I'm needing a "yes", a go-ahead sign.
Or even a "no", to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord that if we believe,
we need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry.
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
as my Master replied again. "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
and grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"
He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine...
and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased ou would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the dept of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.
You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
you'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me
when darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love
when the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
but you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
the faith that I give when you walk with signt.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask
from an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
what it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
but oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.
So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
that the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though often My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still.... WAIT".

New Beginnings...

Guess the news are not out yet.. but it will surely be out in due time... Somehow, do not know how to break this news to relatives and friends. So, decided to just let it go out slowly. When they ask, I will inform.. And I also realised that alot just do not know how to respond.. mm.. kinda awkward, ya.. I would feel the same too if I am them la. but I think I have thought of a solution. I shall tell them. "No worries.. no need to say anything one. If you really want, can always give me a BIG BEAR HUG or HUGS..." That says it all, in fact, that you care and love me. I am comforted with that. :D So, friends, if you are reading this, you know what you can do la.. hehehe.. All I need is plenty of hugs...

Yup, I never thought that I would be saying this after last year but "I am once again single!".. Went through an experience of relationship, being engaged and on the path of getting married. Well, truly it is His Grace that sustains me.. He knows what is best for me and what He doesn't want me to go through for lifetime and so He pulls me out at the 11th hour. Of course not so nice to go into details.. but as Romans 8:28 says "....that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." This verse just amazes me the past months.. and even now.

Though the past months weren't easy to walk through but the worst has past and the best has yet to come. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by my family (especially my parents), close intercessors (9 of them), friends.. Their supports are just comforting and it makes me realised that I am truly blessed and loved. I am thankful to God for His intervention.. It was truly a blessings in disguise for me to see this side of story. The Lord has protected me. He has always been protecting me and I am so thankful.

Now, it is a process of recovering from the sense/feelings of losing something in life. It takes time to be back to normal again because it involves the matter of the heart. But this is something I want to learn well since I am in it. Let no experience goes to waste. Lord has been revealing many things to me the past weeks.. Just amazing to see the hands of God working so real in my life. Also.. trying as much to dwell in His Presence.. to dwell in the house of the LORD (Psalm 27:4).. to be comforted and to refocus back in life.

Well.. I am single again.. and surprisingly n sweetly, there is this sense of freedom.. I am waiting with anticipation of what is the next step to be revealed to me by the Lord in this journey of my life.. Where is the Lord leading me next? *wink*.....

Silence....??

This month has been a month of silence as I work through stuff.. as I discovered stuff to my horror.. too shock for words to describe but yet it has happened..

The storms are here... but there is hope.. because after the storms, there are rainbows.. God promises rainbows in life.. and He has shown me so many of them and I know He would yet show me another one and many more in the days to come.. I just need to trust in Him. Eventhough I may be in darkness at this hour/ stage but there is a light guiding me.. His light of life and His light of hope..

Lord, thank You.