only time will tell...

in all the decisions I have made and going to make.. *wink*

something to think about..

I think I have changed so much.. I have learnt to take risks in God.. 

even when it is very scary to do that.. Definitely no turning back! *wink*

Dare we?

"Dream things with God

that are doomed to failure

unless He shows up"

(Pete Hughes)

Moments like this..

As usual, God always bring the right people to come and speak into me at the least expected time and that happened last night.. and it is in moments like this that I am truly and wonderfully touched by Him and His Love. Not that I am not touched in other times, but just that these moments are special.. the connections seem stronger and stronger.. His Love just overwhelms me from head to toes. How amazing is that! I smiled.. I am thankful.

I am just enjoying being at peace in God.. being carefree with no worries and no anxieties.. in the midst of gazillion uncertainties in my life.. How odd? How would I be at peace in God if there are so much uncertainties? Good news is that it is possible!.. once I let go and let God take over my life.. and it is a constant choice; learning more and more to trust Him each day.. making decisions as they come along.. regardless big or small.. as long as I choose to walk close with Him.. the rest is His-Story... *wink*

Life..

is just way too short to be entangled in disagreements and get stuck there.. 

use a different route.. 

either talk it out.. if that doesn't work..
OR..
well, perhaps it is right to move on after trying... 

how much is too much and too little? hmm..
pray and be at peace in Him.. 

for, He knows the best! *wink*

hey! I know this but then it becomes even clearer today! 

Amazing how revelation can just come.. :)

How?

the question that I have in mind is..

"How do I enter 
after exited for 
3 years?"

wow.. 3 years.. yup... well, it will be 2 years and 10 months to be more precise by next July. I think I am thinking too much of the future this few days.. but it does allow me to make the best of the present day.. hmm.. at least, I hope to and pray to.. *grin*

Disillusioned?

hmm.. am I in that state at the moment? or I choose to be there for a while? Amazing what situations; people and words could do to us.. or even lack of them.. Funny it is. So strange that I could actually find it funny!.. hmm.. maybe I am not that indulged then.. or I have grown a little more mature than before.. Now, that's nice to discover! :)

Probably that is why I have to let go.. Just seems the right thing to do at the moment; regardless of whether I would be able to live up to it after that. Slowly and surely, I would be able to; in God's arms.. Though I am in my  30's, I feel like I am 3 years old in God's care.. so many messing ups.. so many silly things I have done and would probably continue to do..

Now, I am really disillusioned! (in a good way, I hope).. me a 3 year old kid? LOL.. in many ways, I am.. hehe.. so many things to learn from God.. where to begin? I like to take a peek here.. and another peek there.. and currently, reading this book below..... exploring possibilities... hmm.. do I still sound like a 3 year old kid? no wonder I am confused!.. LOL..

the recent experience would be a classic story for Practical Theology in Action.. well, here I go; indulging myself in reading whole day since I am not working today.. *wink*

Where should I go next?

WHERE??????

clueless... don't know..

the older I get, the more unsure I become.. I wonder am I alone in this? but, the interesting thing is the more unsure I become, the more I grow to trust Heavenly Daddy..

so, it is a good thing then? Looks like it.. hehe..

oh ya.. I was singing aloud this evening.. creating my own songs.. singing my heart out... in my own tune.. random.. most definitely*wink*

Proverbs 6: 6 - 8 says...

Go to the ant, you sluggard!
Consider her ways and be wise,
Which, having no captain,
Overseer or ruler,
Provides her supplies in the summer,

And gathers her food in the harvest.

****

sluggard? hmm.. means an idler.. I always do admire how ants work.. :)

Something I can't multi-task..

It just dawned on me tonight that I can multi-task in many things but something I can't multi-task is feelings.. especially awful feelings.. does this make sense? hmm.. maybe only to me. LOL.. 

feelings is an odd thing.. or is not? emotions.. sea of emotions, some people call it.. Let me visualise how it would be like.. swimming in the sea of emotions.. whoa... tricky?

well.. leaving that thought here as I go to zzzz... *grin*

Bold step to take..

or stupid one? ish.. don't know.. but it is definitely a less travelled road.. and I always ended up taking that.. I really do wonder.. why do I get myself into such situations all the time.. probably that is just the unique me! Am I consoling myself? LOL.. maybe maybe.. and the funny thing is that it seems rather natural that it is concluded in that way even when I seek God about things.. as I seek His face..

I wonder.. do wonder what my life would be like five years down the road.. at the rate I am going.. the crazy things that I do.. and the unthinkable decisions I take.. yet, I am happy wor.. hmm.. most importantly is that God knows my heart and desires.. and in His Time, the right door will be opened! I am praying that I would have His faith to walk in.. especially when fears are looming strongly.. 

Pray for me, pls.. *wink*

Is it? I think so.. hmm..

Cut and paste from two daily devotionals I received today.. how true this is, in many sense!.. Indeed it is much easier to do something than to trust in God. And, all of us go through the breaking process.. to know that God is the source of our worth.. Just got reminded of that again very recently.. how forgetful we are.. at least, I know I am.. always need to be reminded.. and God knows me very well.. hee.. *wink*

*****

The Staggering Question

By Oswald Chambers

He said to me, ’Son of man, can these bones live?’

Ezekiel 37:3

Can a sinner be turned into a saint? Can a twisted life be made right? There is only one appropriate answer— “O Lord God, You know” ( Ezekiel 37:3  ). Never forge ahead with your religious common sense and say, “Oh, yes, with just a little more Bible reading, devotional time, and prayer, I see how it can be done.”

It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we see the activity and mistake panic for inspiration. That is why we see so few fellow workers with God, yet so many people working for God. We would much rather work for God than believe in Him. Do I really believe that God will do in me what I cannot do? The degree of hopelessness I have for others comes from never realizing that God has done anything for me. Is my own personal experience such a wonderful realization of God’s power and might that I can never have a sense of hopelessness for anyone else I see? Has any spiritual work been accomplished in me at all? The degree of panic activity in my life is equal to the degree of my lack of personal spiritual experience.

“Behold, O My people, I will open your graves . . .” ( Ezekiel 37:12 ). When God wants to show you what human nature is like separated from Himself, He shows it to you in yourself. If the Spirit of God has ever given you a vision of what you are apart from the grace of God (and He will only do this when His Spirit is at work in you), then you know that in reality there is no criminal half as bad as you yourself could be without His grace. My “grave” has been opened by God and “I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells” ( Romans 7:18  ). God’s Spirit continually reveals to His children what human nature is like apart from His grace.

2 Corinthians 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

*****

The Breaking Process

Your kingdom come. Your will be done...

Matthew 6:10 NKJV

In the breaking process God's intention is not to destroy your will, but redirect it; not to rob you of self-worth, but to let you see that He is the source of your worth. Gideon's three hundred soldiers had to break their pitchers, which made them vulnerable to attack, before the light within them could shine out and the enemy be defeated (Judges 7). Elisha had to break his plough, which represented his financial security, before he could qualify for a double portion of God's Spirit (1 Kings 19:19-21). Mary had to break her alabaster box, which represented her dowry and hope for marriage, in order to receive Christ's highest commendation (Mark 14:3-9). 

Brokenness is costly; it happens in stages. 

Stage 1: Repentance. After his affair with Bathsheba David prayed, 'The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit… ' (Psalm 51:17 NLT). 

Stage 2: Discipline. '… I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified' (1 Corinthians 9:27 NKJV). 

Stage 3: Intimacy. You love prayer and God's Word because you 'connect' with Him through them. But you'll have to fight the distractions around you to get to the place of intimacy, and fight the carnality within you to stay there.

The real issue in brokenness is submitting to God's control. 

Dick Rasanen writes: 'Dear God, I find it so easy to try to be the one in charge. I find it so painful to realize that I am not the one in control. Help me to know when saying 'I just work here' it's a confession, and not just a way of evading responsibility.'

*****

Teary..

emo.. emo.. today!.. becoming emo elmo.. probably having withdrawal symptoms! it is a process.. have to be brave n strong in God to go through it.. learn and come back stronger!

As someone told me today, time will tell... so, give it some time.. therefore, I just have to let go and let God.. He knows the best! *wink*

Moving on...

yup.. moving on.. looking forward to what is ahead.. wonder what God has installed for me.. continue to wait and pray..

letting go is good for everyone even though it is tough to do so and takes lots of courage.. especially when there are so much attachment and love.. never thought I would be this attached but I am.. sigh.. However, looking at the brighter side of thing is I have given my all to love, care and serve.. 

Again, Romans 8:28 came to mind.. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

here I go... moving moving on.... *wink*

I am comforted..

by who? yes.. GOD.. :)..

Let Him Comfort You

The God of all comfort, who comforts us

2 Corinthians 1:3

God can make you comfortable in the most uncomfortable places. He can pull you out of situations you thought you'd be stuck in forever. He can give you peace, even in the midst of trauma. Before your life is over, you'll live, love and experience loss. Losing some things will actually help you to appreciate the things you still have. It's the taste of failure that makes success so sweet. How can you celebrate victory unless you've known defeat? You'll live each day not knowing what tomorrow holds, but knowing that God holds all your tomorrows. They're not in the hands of your boss, your broker, your mate, or anybody else. Nor are they in your hands to manipulate and control. No, all your tomorrows are in God's hands! So whatever you do; get to know Him, because you'll need Him. And He'll be there for you. He'll be there when everybody and everything else has gone. He'll be there for you in the dark places. His promise to you is, '… Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning' (Psalm 30:5 Amp). However long the night, morning always comes and with it His joy. Just think, no matter how dark the night, you've always lived to see the morning. Right? Somehow His grace has protected you, provided for you, secured you, calmed and comforted you, and brought you through. Times and seasons change, but not God. He's always '… The God of all comfort… ' and He's watching over you today!

Peacemaker...

Today's reading is about peacemaking.. don't think it was coincidental.. Peacemaking is God's way (Matt 5:9 says, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.").. So, we, too should strive to be peacemakers by carefully and prayerfully trying to resolve conflicts without force.

The above in green was what written in today's reading.. and another part that spoke to me was "The next time you are involved in a disagreement, look for things on which you both can agree. Work from there toward a solution that is mutually beneficial and pleasing to God. Be a peacemaker."

hmm.. as I took my troubles to the Lord, I cried out to Him, and He answered my prayer. (Psalm 120:1) This is what I feel at the moment.. He answered my prayer by allowing me to read this reading.. *wink*